Steve Braunias: Bachelorette drama will have your hands shaking

Bachelor Aaron feared his love for Lesina might be in vain.

COMMENT:

Here we are, then, at the edge of a pandemic, a nation lunging at toilet paper and furiously washing its hands every five seconds while the world goes to hell in a facemask – and yet there is a greater evil. It stalks the porticos and Spanish arches of The Bachelorette. It takes the shape of a wretch who likely has 666 chiselled beneath his beard. It is – crashing piano chord, raspy blare of trumpet – Bachelor Aaron, right now the baddest man in the whole damn world.

Last night's episode of the long-running dating show was a portrait of psychological disturbance. Bachelor Aaron went insane in the brain. He glowered; he brooded; his mind was crammed with the furniture of hatred, and spite, and rage. It made for incredible viewing and was certainly the best, most-involving show of the series. I think I can go so far as to say that every show from now on in is going to be required – nay, essential – viewing.

It must be acknowledged that some or much or even all of The Bachelorette exists on dramatic license. Things are exaggerated, amplified. The bachelors are surely in on it and go along with whatever role makes for good TV. And so what I'm saying here is that food technology school teacher Aaron McKay is almost certainly a completely different person than his role as Bachelor Aaron. The former is likely a benign Dr Jekyll, blamelessly pottering hither and yon in a classroom. But as the diabolical Mr Hyde, Bachelor Aaron is a rich, fascinating and very, very disturbed hombre.

Much of last night's show slowly tracked his descent into madness. He appeared on camera saying that he wasn't confident of his chances of remaining on the show and that his love for Hottie Lesina might be in vain. He said it with the air of a man who wasn't going to take it lying down and neither was he going to put up a fair fight.

He examined the weakest link. He knew that it was Bachelor Liam, who had let slip a woman was waiting for him "in the real world", as he put it. What if that juicy and very damaging piece of information was relayed to Hottie Lily? She would cook his goose, throw him out of the show – and save Bachelor Aaron's neck.

He brooded on it as he took his place at a cocktail party. The other bachelors kept asking, "Mate, are you okay?" He ignored the question. He sat, and glowered. If he had spoken, he would have replied with the famous line from Marcellus in Pulp Fiction: "No, man, I'm pretty f***ing far from okay."

He was falling to pieces in front of our eyes. Such good television! "My hands are shaking," he suddenly remarked. This is going to go down as one of the greatest lines in New Zealand entertainment history. "My hands are shaking." It's shorthand for a mental collapse. "My hands are shaking." It's a warning that evildoing is about to be, you know, done.

He duly blurted the news to Hottie Lily. She told Bachelor Liam to get lost. Bachelor Liam said he'd been libelled. Bachelor Aaron held his head in his hands, and wailed, "What have I done?" The answer is on tonight's show. Essential viewing.