SPY: Garner busted, but Hosking is out in the open

Hosking's got an okay face for TV, but a hair-do for radio, according to one TVNZ viewer. Photo / NZ Herald

Rumours suggest Peter Jackson may have Tom Cruise starring in his new movie The Dam Busters, but TV3's political editor Duncan Garner and his partner Deanna Delamare chose the name for something closer to home.

Their son Buster Garner was born in Wellington Hospital just over a week ago on July 30, five weeks premature at a healthy 7 pounds, 3 ounces.

Garner, who has two children with his former wife Mihingarangi Forbes, says he has no plans to expand his brood. "But I'm not going to get the snip just yet, because I don't want anyone touching me around down there."

Buster is the name Garner's dad nicknamed him when he was a youngster, and it carries sentimental value since his father passed away earlier this year. "It's been a tough year losing dad," Garner told Spy, "but Buster is a lovely little man and we're all chuffed."

But not everyone gave their blessing. We hear Brian Edwards turned his nose up when Garner told him the name, to which the political reporter snapped: "Well, he's not going to be called Brian, mate."

Gok Wan clearly had more fun with Mike Hosking this week than he did making small talk with me at the Queen St Specsavers store. Did you Spy Hosking's bashful flirting with the British TV star on Close Up this week? I was shocked. Not so much by his eyelash batting and head dipping, or his incessant need to talk up his follicle flop.

I was gobsmacked by metrosexual Mike's grasp of his inner queen. On. The. Telly. "It's good to camp it up a bit, just for the fun of it," the Hosk squealed. Evidently Hosking's message was coming through loud and proud.

"Well, you know what, I would say, judging by your outfit; the pink shoes, the jacket with all the detailing..." Gok said, before Hosking interrupted: "You'd think I'm camp as a row of tents?" "Seriously," Gok surmised, "I've almost slipped you my telephone number. It's that gay. Definitely."

But it was Hosking's coif that came in for the most ribbing. He was in the presence of The Quiff and yet Hosking's shaggy, greasy head-suit looked like it needed to go to the drycleaners.

In mathematical terms it could be expressed as Liam Gallagher + Peter Doherty = Rod Stewart without the foils. Has he spent all his dosh on the five-carat rock and can no longer afford a barber? "If you grow your fringe any more," Gok said politely, "you might go out of proportion."

Viewers agreed and they flooded the TVNZ message board with complaints.

"Can you tell Mike Hosking to get rid of that dead cat on top of his head?" moaned one viewer. "Hosking's got an okay face for TV, but a hair-do for radio," whined another. "Just as well Hosking is good at interviewing because he'd never make a hairdresser," said one observant viewer. And my personal favourite: "Can someone please do Mike's hair ... he looks like a muppet. There are a lot of good people in the biz that do this for a job, can you please get one?" Ouch. What's worse, his beloved Kate Hawkesby read them out on their NewstalkZB show on Friday morning for maximum embarrassment, presumably because that's how these lovebirds show their affection.

Hosking wasn't miffed. In fact, the only thing that seemed to rock him was the prospect of his twin daughters marrying into the Harawira clan. "If one of my daughters ever brought home a Harawira," Hosking fumed, "the security gates are getting shut!"

The Hosking Song

Musician Greg Johnson is funding his independent album by writing theme songs for paying punters. Check out the lyrics to Hosking's song: Some say he's effiminate, But he is a straight, new-age guy. He grew a beard, And he fathered children, All in the public eye.

Kate must have known eventually, He'd have to do the honest thing. But he set a dangerous precedent, With a 300,000-dollar ring. Mike Hosking... In the morning... Clean shaven... Heed this warning.