KEY POINTS:
The video for the Spice Girls' new single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) has been officially released.
It's their first video in seven years, and it's rather rubbish.
Pouty Posh looks like a butch drag queen with airbags for breasts, Geri's washboard abs are back on display, while Mel C has a face on her like a cat's bum; amazingly enough, Baby Spice doesn't give a damn because she's been airbrushed to the hilt, and Mel B, well, she's actually looking half-decent for a change.
Click here to watch.
Explain to me again why the girls are back? Oh yes, mucho moolah.
Heather Mills targets Stella
She's about as popular as a fart in a space suit, but that doesn't stop Heather Mills from trundling along with her captivating "woe is me" campaign.
The estranged wife of former Beatle Paul McCartney is on a mission to discredit her husband and single-handedly bring down the media.
And now she's sticking the knife in even further by gunning for her darling step-daughter, Stella McCartney.
Heather - branded Mucca because of her alleged porn past - is blaming "jealous" Stella for contributing to the downfall of her marriage.
In a spectacular rant on US television, Mucca declared that fashion designer Stella, 36, had done some "evil things" in a bid to ruin her marriage.
Mucca, 39, who is currently locked in an acrimonious divorce battle with her moneybags husband, made the startling revelations on American entertainment show Extra.
"Every single week Stella tried to break up our marriage. She was so jealous.
"Stella wasn't interested in her dad's happiness. I can't protect her any longer. She's done some evil, evil things," she said.
The former model also accused Sir Paul, 65, of failing to own up about his involvement in the marriage breakdown.
"You know why we split, you know the truth. You need to stand up and say, 'I am responsible for the breakdown of this marriage'.
"I said to him, 'If you're not going to support me, if you're not going to help clear this up, I'm going to have to do this (her interviews)," Heather added.
She also warned she would speak out unless he publicly accepted blame and protected her from criticism.
Meanwhile...
In a move that's a bit like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable, Heather's declared war on the British tabloids.
Ask any bonafide press guru and they'll tell you that celebs need good relations with the media to turn bad press into good.
But she's blown it. As far as the tabloids are concerned it's open season - and Heather's plat du jour.
They'll positively eat her up and spit out the remains.
Click here to watch Heather in action on US TV
Update: Paul McCartney is said to have called his lawyers and instructed them to file for full custody of his daughter, Beatrice.
Macca, 65, is reportedly livid after his estranged wife's recent outbursts, and is worried for his child's welfare. Read the full story here.
Warbling Wino
Amy Winehouse preformed at the MTV Europe Video Music Awards last Thursday, and mumbled her way through a lackluster rendition of hit Back To Black.
Wino has blamed "exhaustion" for her oddball behaviour - which included slurring her words and appearing to forget the lyrics to a song she penned herself.
Click here to watch a short clip of her below-par performance.
Man the lifeboats. This ship is going down.
Blanchett with child
Aussie actress Cate Blanchett has confirmed that she is pregnant.
The Oscar-winning stunner made the announcement that she's expecting her third child while on a Sydney red carpet last Saturday.
When asked by a Sydney Morning Herald reported if she had any comment to make on the pregnancy rumours, and whether she was going to have a boy, she replied, "You know more than me. It's early days yet. It's due in April."
Fabulous, we finally have a confirmed celebrity pregnancy.
So who's next? J-Lo?
Hmmm, that might take some doing. She's so far back in the pregnancy closet, she's in Narnia.
Freak out
So, Paris walks into a porn shop and chucks a mental when she spots a poster advertising her sordid One Night in Paris flick.
The sex tape veteran then demands to the bloke behind the counter that the shocking exhibit be taken off the shelves.
Here's the footage. (you'll need to ramp up your sound)
In the video, Hilton waltzes up to the shop counter and says, "You guys can't use my image in a porn store...I am going to call my lawyer and sue the shit out of this place if they are not taken down right now."
But before the poor assistant can respond, Hilton appears to tear down the poster before telling him, "This is not right...this is disgusting."
Oh, the irony.
No more "delusion pills" for you, Miss Crabby.
Happy slapper
No, not that kind of slapper...
A contestant on the UK version of TV show X Factor has been forced to drop out of the show after a video of her "happy slapping" was leaked on youtube.
Emily Nakanda, 15, was filmed by one of her mates beating the proverbial out of a girl and grabbing her by the hair.
Click here to watch the video.
Sharon Osbourne, Emily's mentor on the show said: "I am deeply saddened by this whole situation."
The slapping singer is said to be remorseful and "deeply regrets her actions".
I bet she is - for being sprung by the tabloids that exposed her vile behaviour.
Ironically, the X Factor finalist was due to sing Bjork's It's Oh so Quiet on the show last weekend. How appropriate. I bet you could hear a pin drop on the set when host Dermot O'Leary had to announce her 'withdrawal' on Saturday.
Talking of slapping...
Britney Spears has been slapped with legal papers from her former manager - he's accusing her of owing him thousands of dollars.
Brit Brit was 'handed' the lawsuit papers after she emerged from a Beverly Hills medical facility last week.
ExtraTV.com reports the papers were shoved through her car window and landed on the passenger seat.
Watch a clip of the incident here.
Is this Karma catching up with her, or is she genuinely getting a raw deal?
Pucker job
Has she or hasn't she? Speculation is rife that Lindsay Lohan has had her lips enhanced.
British newspaper The Daily Mail has before and after pics that hint that the actress has had a little help from a cosmetic friend.
Pecs factor
X Factor judge Louis Walsh claims caustic tongued Svengali Simon Cowell has had a boob job.
The Westlife manager is convinced his co-star has had chest implants to give himself a butch look.
He tells British tabloid News of The World that all of the other judges on the X-Factor show have had some work done.
"They all have new t*ts...and lots of other work done. I'm the only one who hasn't had plastic surgery. Simon's definitely had a boob job. But Sharon has the best surgeon. She's going to give me her doctor's number.
"Honestly, I'm serious. I just want maintenance though, not everything like the others. I want to get really nice white teeth-but not like Simon's piano keys which are not his own."
So Simon - the only man alive to have nipple burns caused by a trouser waistband - Cowell has moobs (man boobs). How very alpha male of him.
And finally...
Obligatory video clip of Darth Vader being a smartass.
See you Wednesday, folks.
