'So much more to give ...'

Charlotte Dawson partying at her Sydney apartment last week. "God, we have partied hard,'' writes Jonathan Marshall.

Kiwi journalist Jonathan Marshall, now based in Sydney, was a close friend and former flatmate of Charlotte Dawson. This is his farewell to his "Aussie mum''.

Dear Charlotte

You were my Australian mum, one of my best friends, an inspiration, a flatmate, a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, one of the few who really got me.

I don't cry much. But this weekend is different. When I was headed for breakfast yesterday I got the call. I was numb. I didn't know what to do or say. A few hours later things changed. I broke down.

Late in 2011 I called you and said I thought it was time to leave New Zealand to build a career in Australia.

Without any hesitation you told me to book a flight, and come and live with you.

I was hesitant, afraid of the obstacles involved in setting up in a new city.

You told me to stop worrying and said I would be fine, that you would make sure of it. And that you did.

We would often joke about the irony we were mates.

As a shambolic teenager I wrote nasty stories about you on my embarrassingly scurrilous website, nztabloid.com.

You went on the Holmes show and dished up a well-deserved serving saying I was "just an attention-seeking 17-year-old". But then, somehow, we built a bridge and formed the most fantastic friendship. Thank you for your forgiveness.

But that is what you were like: generous, loving, warm and caring.

God, we have partied hard. I always knew Sydney was fun but you made it so much better than it would have been. When we started looking for an apartment to rent together and found the Finger Wharf we were both jumping with excitement knowing the memories the property would deliver.

Just over a week ago you called and ordered me to come around. It was only 4pm. The crowd grew; the deck of the apartment came alive.

We danced until it was time to get some rest before work the next day.

I remember whispering in your ear how much I loved you. And, Charlotte, I meant it.

When others walked away you were there. You never turned your back on the people in your life that others thought were mad. But hey, you were a bit mad yourself - and we all treasured that.

When I needed a growling, when I was acting crazy, you told me to pull my head in.

When I introduced you to my friends you would welcome them into your home with unconditional hospitality. You warned me off those you thought were trouble. They all loved you. You were their glimpse into the world of showbiz.

I know you were struggling. It showed more recently than ever before. You thought you were getting old, the fame game wasn't giving you the rewards it once did. But bloody hell you judged it so wrong. You had so much more to give. The talent behind that unprecedented white-teethed smile was like no other person I have ever met.

But now you are gone. I can't say I'm not angry with you. I am. You should be sitting with me right now having a wine - a "buttery chard" as you would say.

Goodbye Charlotte. I will never forget you. I can't wait to sit with you and reminisce on the special times.

There were heaps.

Love Jonathan xxx