Sideswipe: September 30: Porridge face

Food Faces by Olaf Breuning.

Never too late to learn

1. Until the age of 14, I thought Princess Diana was a famous marine biologist. They always called her "The Princess of WALES" so ...
2. I was 23 on a trip with my girlfriend. We were both getting ready for the day in the bathroom and I needed my hair gel, so I asked if she could hand me my toilet treat bag. She seemed confused, I again asked: "Can you please hand me my bag of toilet treats!?" She ran out of the bathroom laughing. I thought toiletries was toilet treats.
3. I just learned a few months ago that lightning does not happen when two clouds touch each other. That was a very sad, and very disappointing day.
4. I thought lingerie was a fancy word for laundry for way longer than I care to admit. Explains why my mates gave me a weird look when I told them I had to fold my lingerie
5. I was watching Titanic with some friends. When it comes to the part where - spoiler alert - the ship starts sinking and the old couple are in bed together, my friend, let's call her Amy, goes: "Why don't they just go to sleep?" There's a pause as everyone looks baffled before Amy explains that you don't breathe while you're asleep so you can't drown. Amy was 21 and in university.

Nice one Karl

Guns N' Roses memory

Avi Modlin of Orewa has a particular soft spot for Guns N' Roses: "Many years ago I was in Stuttgart, Germany, visiting Mercedes-Benz, whose head office is situated in that city. At the end of a day in discussions, I was driven back to my hotel in a newly released black long-wheelbase S500 model, a rarity on the road at that time. On arrival at the hotel, I was confronted by a mob of, mostly young girls all screaming for my autograph as I stepped out of the limousine. I signed several autograph books thrust at me until rescued by hotel staff and escorted into the hotel foyer. The explanation was simple, Guns N' Roses were staying at the same hotel during their performances in Stuttgart and anybody arriving in a limo such as I was a passenger was assumed, incorrectly, as a certainty as being part of Guns N' Roses' hotel staff and I had a good laugh and I sometimes wonder if my totally nondescript signature is treasured as a moment of their visit."

Teacher's scathing comments

1. A reader writes: "My sister's school report had a comment from her geography teacher: 'Helen does well to find her way home.' I don't think comments like that would be allowed these days!"
2. "My geography teacher's assessment of an attractively executed map containing little of the required information; 'Delightfully vague 1/2 out of 10'!" writes a reader.
3. "As I was bending over to take six of the best on the backside from my headmaster in the 50s, he said: 'There is one thing I know for sure, you will never amount to anything in this world.' He retired on a teacher's pay, I retired a multi-millionaire."