Good news, everybody. The Miss America Pageant respects women for more than their hot bodies and high cheekbones, so it will no longer score them for their beauty. It's going to score them for their "wellness" instead. "Miss America is pivoting their missionto define women's wellness as being based on optimal health, rather than physical appearance," according to a recent press release. Slate.com's Shannon Palus wonders what an "optimal health" pageant would look like? "Maybe the contestants will have their blood pressure taken on stage and announce the last time they had a pap smear. Maybe they'll get their eyes examined and discuss the results with an accredited ophthalmologist. Or it could be more fun-health, like phys-ed focused: Maybe they'll do a sprint down the aisles, and then clear a few hurdles while clad in evening gowns, like some kind of sparkly mini-Olympics. The high jump is exciting, but have you ever seen anyone do it in heels? It would take a very healthy person to do that. The pageant axed the swimsuit portion of the competition in 2018, but it seems perfectly reasonable to bring some elements of it back in a new swimming portion."
You're not Jackson Pollock, mate
Gas Station In Nebraska — the colour scheme was red. They tried to get artsy.
A reader writes: "Wednesday's story about poor Torby/Toby reminded me when my partner rang to tell me Miss Sauv had been hit and killed by a car. I asked if he was sure, since the lady across the road had an almost identical cat even down to the one white paw. I said, "Check Miss Sauv's right ear which is ripped". He checked, yes, the right ear was ripped. He picked Miss Sauv up and placed her in her cat bed. I came home and was patting her goodbye, thinking she looked a little bigger as a dead cat, but maybe things change a bit in death. Nek minute I hear a meow and Miss Sauv (still alive) jumps up into her bed - only to discover with horror I was patting a dead stranger in her bed!"
Humiliation on the Eurostar
"I was working in Belgium and decided to pop home for the weekend. I was on a night shift and took the first Eurostar. Got my seat, immediately fell fast asleep. Cut to me doing the fart of my lifetime and waking myself up with an actual jump. I looked around and everyone was either cracking up or trying to suppress a fit of giggles. Still half asleep and thus lacking volume control, I basically shouted to the entire carriage, "Did I just fart?" to which the elderly couple across the aisle from me nodded and the lady said: "A most impressive one dear!" It was the first time I've simultaneously cried laughing while also being so mortified I wanted to evaporate into the abyss." (Shared on Mumsnet)
