Sideswipe: October 27: Cat with long ears?

Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·

26 Oct, 2017 04:00 PM3 mins to read

Jeez Wayne, if the SPCA can't get it right, who can? Photo / Supplied

Medical morons

ER professionals nominate Darwin Award contenders.

1. "One of my patients came in with second and third-degree burns all up his right arm. It was winter and his truck wouldn't start, so he put a match in the tank to 'melt the frozen gas'."

2. "A patient (male, in his 30s) tried to follow a new health trend and made a medium rare chicken recipe. The result? Severe amoebic dysentery and colitis (almost resulting in bowel perforation)."

3. "A patient I was caring for tried to fix the noise in his running lawnmower by putting his fingers under the guard to clear the blockage. A few cuts later, that didn't work. Decided to try it again ... lost two fingers."

Jeez Wayne, if the SPCA can't get it right, who can? Photo / Supplied

4. "Guy modified the electronics on a vape causing the lithium battery to explode in the front pocket of his pants resulting in an extremely severe burn ... including his hand completely below the wrist, since it was in his pocket. Had his pants been a little baggier or his pocket been a little deeper, his 'boys' would have been thoroughly roasted and/or detached."

5. "A guy arrived at the ER after he ate a few pounds of cherries without spitting the stones so he had to be operated on to get them out. The chief doctor came to see the X-ray while the man was being prepared for surgery and said 'good thing he didn't eat peaches'."

6. "Encountered a man who decided his electricity bill was too high so he turned off all the heat in his house. Giant snowstorm came and dumped about 3 inches of snow in less than two days. Dude thought he might have frostbite on his toes so to warm himself up he drank an entire gallon of antifreeze. Apparently the name is misleading. He thought it would 'unfreeze' him. Put himself into acute renal failure and spent six weeks getting inpatient dialysis (among other things) before hewas released." (Via Reddit)

Fake social media

Eric's mum isn't coping very well with her divorce.

Kea just doing what comes naturally

"Yep, I voted for the kea," confesses Bronwyn. "Part of the reason I voted for it was to help highlight the fact that the kea's reputation as a vandal is mostly a symptom of humans moving into its territory and getting annoyed when the birds do what they naturally do, ie, be curious, intelligent, sociable and stay alive."

Something smells off ...

Dave Brown of Henderson once had a workmate who spoke of "building with tantalised pine roofing with decromagic tiles and polishing the floors with polyurinate varnish".