Sideswipe: November 9: Hopefully, Honey is a budding artist

Hopefully, Honey is a budding artist — not a fruit ignoramus or poor speller. Photo / Supplied

Animals without purpose

At Useless Farm in Ontario, Canada, there are “no useful animals”, which is just how they like it. There’s Keith the Alpaca ... “Anxiety personified. The best kisser. When he gets mad at the other animals he will spit, but his aim is terrible and he usually just spits straight up in the air. If he worked in an office, he would microwave his tuna sandwich in the office microwave and not even realise it was frowned upon”. Then there’s Poor Sweet Michael (also an alpaca): “Literal elevator music playing in his brain 24/7. Consistent hay hanging out the side of his mouth — he does not know it’s there. Poor sweet thing and doesn’t have a single thought behind those eyes. Just one lonesome brain cell bouncing around in there like a game of pong”. And Karen the appropriately named Emu, described by the farm manager Amanda as: “Hates me with every fibre of her being. Recently widowed for the 3rd time — all died under mysterious circumstances”.

Cartoon characters become AI generated humans

Photo / Supplied

Wrong end of the stick

1. “My friend told me that she thought the lower the number on movie review site Rotten Tomatoes the better the movie. She thought a high percentage meant the movies had a higher chance of being a ‘rotten tomato’”.

2. “Forty per cent of my wife and I’s conversations go like this:

Me: “What?”

Wife: “I was talking to the dog”.

3. “I faked passed out and my 3-year-old daughter didn’t call 111 ... she punched me in my face and yelled ‘you can’t die right now that’s ridiculous!’”