Lost in translation at Countdown
“I pride myself, as a transplant to New Zealand, on having mastered the accent 2+ years on,” tweets American Crime Writer TJ Mitchell. “But then, today, in Countdown, the checkout clerk asks me if I want the points for something-something. I say, mostly as a reflex, no thank you. Whatever the supermarket promotion is, I mostly always skip it. I pay for my goods, I take my receipt, and the kindly looking lady behind me in line asks: ‘Are you clicked in the Lido?’ I look at her suitably - and honestly - quizically. I say: ‘Sorry?’ She says again, slowly and more carefully: ‘Are you clicked in? The Lido.’ We do this a couple more times. The variables do not change ... Cupping my ear just prompts the kindly and patient lady to say, loudly enough for most of the Countdown to hear: ‘ARE YOU CLICKED IN THE LIDO?’ The cashier is staring at me. The couple behind the nice lady are staring at me. The ppl in all the other Countdown lines are staring at me. I’m pretty sure the kākā soaring overhead have paused in their commute from Mt Victoria to Prince of Wales Park to circle and stare at me. I have no choice. The jig is up. I have to embrace my foreigner’s ignorance and look the kindly lady dead in the eye and admit: ‘I do not understand what you’re asking me.’ Before the kindly lady can start again with the clicking and the Lido, the cashier suggests that perhaps the kindly lady is looking to use the points I’ve just accrued with my purchase for her own point total in participating in the supermarket promotion. Which is a selection of off-brand click-together toy bricks ... She is asking me: ‘Are you collecting the Lego?’ I do a great deal of confused muttering: no, no - I mean, yeah nah, yes, yes, please, she’ll be right, my points are your points, here’s the receipt, leave the gun, take the cannoli ... whatever it takes for me to stumble my way out of there. Which I do. Into the antipodal spring sunshine. Because I am, dear reader, still trying to make my way in this strange, wonderful country. But I am not clicked in the Lido.”
A dead heat
The election to fill a city council seat in a Michigan town was settled by drawing two pieces of paper from a bowl, days after a 616-616 tie. The new council member in Rogers City is Timeen Adair, whose paper said “elected”. Brittany VanderWall’s paper said “not elected”. There were hugs by the pair - and no hard feelings. “I told people, either way, Rogers City wins,” VanderWall said before the drawing. Adair said the Election Day tie meant the northern Michigan town, population 2800, should be satisfied with both candidates. “The people have spoken, and they said, ‘Eh, either one,’” Adair said. VanderWall is already looking ahead to the next election. “Congrats,” she told Adair. “Do good work. I’ll see you in two years.”
