Sideswipe: May 3: Anyone fancy a 'trip' to the hospital?

"Anyone fancy a 'trip' to the hospital? The busy footpath outside Auckland hospital is a major trip hazard, especially at night it is far too easy to fall over these tree stumps." Photo / Supplied

White whale

"About 25 years ago we were in a Turkish Village on the shores of the Black Sea," writes Pamela Putland of Papakura. "A young man at the bus station said to us 'Have you heard of Eiden the white whale?'

"Yes we had, because it was reported in New Zealand papers that this whale had swum across the Black Sea from Russia. The Russians had come and taken the whale back. But exclaimed our informant: 'He escaped again and swam back to the same village harbour.'

"This time the Russians gave up so the villagers raised money to feed Eiden as he was very thin when he arrived. We were taken down to the harbour dock where eventually this lovely creature swam up to the wharf to be fed and stroked. His skin was the texture of a hard boiled egg."

Seamless, endless

Anne Burnand writes: "Getting Vodafone TV and landline services will be a seamless transition from our current package, the friendly Vodafone salesperson said. "Seamless has been two months in the making, including 18 calls to the Call Centre and over nine hours listening to their playlists and staff agreeing to sort out the problems. Next time can I try the service with seams please?"

In 1889 a magazine offered prizes to single, female readers who sent in the best answers to the question: 'Why Am I A Spinster?' Photo / Supplied

Mondegreen confessions

1. "Overheard: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. With 400 children and a crop in the field ... no wonder she left."
2. "At primary school, 60 years ago, our class was taught to sing Waltzing Matilda every day for what seemed an eternity," writes Cathie Nicol of Red Beach. "As a choir one afternoon, we all stood in front of the classroom singing Waltzing Matilda. The teacher strutted from student to student listening intently until he reached me and pulled me up for singing, We'll sing Matilda, we'll sing Matilda ..."