Sideswipe: May 14: Escape from Alcatraz

Photo / Supplied

"The yacht club, which was directly across from the island, would always have a big New Year's party. If the wind was blowing from that direction to the Rock, you could actually hear people laughing, you could hear music, you could hear girls laughing. You know, you could hear all the sounds coming from the free world, at the Rock. And New Year's was always the night we heard it. There was never a day you didn't see what the hell you were losing, and what you were missing, you know. It was all there for you to see. There's life. There's everything I want in my life, and it's there. It's a mile or a mile and half away. And yet I can't get to it."

— Jim Quillen, Alcatraz Inmate 586, in narration recorded for the self-guiding tour

Worst work stuff-ups

A reader writes: "It was 1967 ... My boss, a doctor, wasn't quite prepared for a meeting with two lawyers, so he stalled them while I was to run to the photostat department in the same building and get copies of a report he was presenting. I came back, out of breath, and announced: 'The pornography machines are broken and your pornography won't be ready until Monday.' I was only 16 at the time and working for my father for the summer. I can still see his face when I made my grand announcement."

Two short planks?

American gym bunnies in Florida were upset at not being able to pray at the alter of fitness during lockdown, so they protested outside their gym, by exercising vigorously ... which kinda made the point that closed gyms didn't actually prevent them from getting exercise.

Time for a sandwich?

Spotted by Greg in Vulcan Lane on Friday.

Oliver twist

@joeheenan ... I watched Jamie Oliver's cooking show.

"Guys, this is a great dish to make with ingredients from your cupboard.

"Pour some coconut oil into a gold top hat, bosh in some risotto rice, add a tsp of grated unicorn horn, 200g of lemming meat, a wizard's shoe and garnish with gold leaf."

A Hallmark moment

"Having lived in the same house for 48 years, the lockdown has provided the opportunity to do a little de-cluttering in our spare time," writes Angela. "It was my birthday on Sunday and my husband was unable to go to the shops to buy me a card, so he recycled the one he had given me for my 21st, 50 years ago. I will now find it hard to put it in the recycle bin."