Sideswipe: March 8: Clinging sentiment

A reader writes: "An ad for this ring popped into my feed along with lots of gushing comments. While many saw a sentimental symbol of caring, I saw a creepy disembodied pair of arm clinging on for dear life. What's wrong with me?"

Haunted phone

Comedian Cal Wilson recalls the fright of her life. "I'm in Brisbane, tucked up alone in a hotel bed. Out of nowhere, in the dark, my phone lights up and starts blasting a conversation between a small girl and a woman. In the background, there are blaring brass instruments. Both the child and the woman are talking reaaallly slooowlly and there's something weird and treacly about the music. I'm frantically trying to close apps on my phone, but nothing's even open. I can't stop the sound. They're talking about Synaesthesia - Syyyyynaesssssstheeeesia - which normally I'd be all over, but it's 12.20am and I was under the impression I was going to sleep. It's actual minutes, long loud surreal minutes, before l work out it's the Apple podcast app that I never use, which has randomly decided to play a podcast called "It's All in the Mind" at half speed. What I'm saying is, I think my phone is haunted.

Cute-as hand-washing PSA

Don't for get to wash your hands. Spotted in the bathrooms at Federal Cafe in Wānaka.

Advice for interacting with other humans

Once someone acknowledges their mistake, that's your cue to shut up. For hypotheticals let's pretend you forgot to put your mask on before going on the train in level 3. (This isn't about masks, don't make it about masks, just using an example.) "Sir, you need to have a mask on." (Acceptable.) "Why, yes here it is, I'm so sorry I forgot. You're right." (Puts on mask.) We are officially done here. "Well, you see, there's a pandemic going on..." (wrong. The conversation is over.) "Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry man." (Acknowledged twice now, problem corrected! We are done now.) "When you don't have a mask on you can infect other people..." (Why the hell are you still talking?)

How big exactly is heaven?

A strange Christian controversy from the 1920s. In a newspaper article a Presbyterian minister preached on heaven, and showed an astonishing amount of information about the place. He stated that, after much research and study, he was convinced heaven was to be established hereafter the present world and heavens had been destroyed. He further stated that heaven would cover over 1,150,000 square miles, that it would be 10 times as big as Germany, 10 times as big as France and 10 times as big as England, that on the basis of the number of people to the square mile in the city of London the population would be 100,000,000,000 — 70 times the present population of the globe.