1. “I used to work for the UK emergency services, taking 999 calls and then connecting to the appropriate service. One of my colleagues on their OE asked a caller if they required the police, fire brigade or the All Blacks.”
2. “I was once on a veryserious and important conference call. I was trying to say ‘let’s kick off’ or ‘let’s crack on’ but instead for some reason I said ‘I’m gonna crack one off’. Cue very, very, very long awkward silence. I DIED.”
3. “My boyfriend looked a bit perturbed when my (religious) mum announced to a group of my extended family that he was bisexual. She meant ambidextrous.”
4. “When buying a Lotto ticket I asked for a lucky dick, the woman behind the counter just looked at me and we both burst out laughing.”
5. “I wrote a first inquiry email to a professor in another university about a paper he’d written and signed it ‘lots of love’.”
How to wash your hands
You really thought this through.
One mum’s legit call from the school
Principal: “I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her - not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report.” Daughter’s official statement about the event once she got home: “This could have been really fun, if *insert teachers last name* wasn’t scared of freakin birds and cried like a little girl about catching the bird flu. Like, hello, Covid exists. Nobody cares about the bird flu.” (who cares @DianaG2772)
