Father knows best
A dad writes: "Dexter got a new pencil from kindergarten today, but couldn't work out how to write with it as it hadn't been sharpened yet. I explained the process to him. Then he said, 'How do you know everything, Dad?' I just do, son, just do ..."
Pretentiousness - they just can't help it
"The owner of a well-known Auckland bar recently claimed in an interview that his establishment is 'aiming to take the pretentiousness out of cocktails'," writes Andrew. "Further on, there was reference to a particular drink on their menu that came 'with edible flowers and brilliant blue ice, served in an enclosed Czechoslovakian glass sphere'. Because nothing says humble, modest, accessible and down-to-earth quite like specifying the glassware's shape and country of origin ... I'm genuinely unsure whether this was intentional comedy or a ridiculous level of unintended irony. In their defence, at least the bar has 'shoestring fries' on its menu, rather than calling its chips 'hand-cut duck-fat Agria potato cubes', like certain other Auckland establishments."