Sideswipe: July 26: No crime until Thursday morning

"Nice to know the Police are coming ... sometime," writes a reader. "No crime please until Thursday morning. The rainbow gives hope!"

It's getting hot in here

While we are chilled to the bone, our friends in the UK are experiencing a heatwave and, because the entire country has a limited tolerance for any temperature above 17.2C without partial cloud cover and a mild breeze, they have taken to Twitter to complain.

"I been feeling like a turkey in an oven for the past six weeks", declares one sweaty Brit. Another says he sees a jumper and can't imagine ever having worn one. "Seems like a relic from a bygone era, before the sun took over."

Meanwhile Ed got quite literary and apocalyptic: "Day 756 of heatwave," he tweets. "Last night my testicles melted off. I have attempted to conserve what I can in a small mug and put it in the freezer. Sadly, the freezer is operating at 35 degrees. Surely it must rain soon."

On the upside, there is always the comfort of sarcasm: "The Met Office has issued a heatwave warning and advised everyone to 'keep your house as cool as possible'. I don't know about you but I've had my heating on, fire blasting and oven on max with the door open for weeks. Why didn't they tell me this before now!" (Via The Independent)

Marital bliss and a side of bacon

An old custom, practised in Dunmow in Essex pre-1800s, was an award of a flitch of bacon (essentially half a pig, cut sideways) to any couple who had been married for at least a year and who could prove that they had never had a cross word in their marriage.

Bringing witnesses with them to prove their marriage was indeed blissful and to endorse their fidelity to each other, the couples were brought before a "judge and jury" — the jury included five spinsters — and when they passed this "trial" the man and wife knelt on two pointed stones placed near the door of the church and said an oath.

Mushroom cloud spotted in Remuera by Mark Sumich.

If it was decided they did reside in marital heaven, the pair were borne aloft in a wooden chair and carried around the village to the general acclaim of the gathered crowd, and merry-making commenced.

They were treated like minor celebrities and often the couple cashed in on their 15 minutes of fame and sold slices of their ham to those who'd come to celebrate their win and were "whimsically merry on the occasion". (via All Things Georgian)