A Northern Ireland motorist breathed a sigh of relief this week when the leopard they thought they had driven over turned out to be a women's dressing gown, lost (somehow) on the school run.
Cooking fails ...
1. One day I was sitting on the couch and I heard a slapping sound coming from the kitchen. I went in and saw my friend slapping a raw chicken. I asked what he was doing and he explained the recipe said to pat the chicken dry.
I told him he's supposed to use a towel, so he went and got a bath towel.
2. Man asked me out and offered to cook dinner. When I arrived at his place he put raw chicken and raw shrimp in the microwave then proceeded to serve them to me on a paper plate. Just me. He wasn't planning to eat because he "wasn't hungry". Neither was I.
3. I dated a woman who was excited to make her "famous mashed potatoes" for me. They were literally just boiled and mashed — no other ingredients whatsoever, and nothing to bind them together. It was a pile of obliterated carbs.
(via @cottoncandaddy)
