"My wife freaks me out with a Xena in the shower. Scares me EVERY TIME."
Possibly true stories
1. In college I fell out of my bunk bed and broke both of my legs and one arm. Years later on a date, I made a joke about being clumsy and the dude told me I couldn't compare to this woman his brother helped once ...
who fell out of her bunk and broke all the bones. It was me.
2. My middle name is literally a typo. My mom had a c section and forgot to write the rest of Nicole due to the drugs, she fell asleep and they took the paperwork, wouldn't give it back and now my middle name is Ni.
3. Alan Rickman once walked past my mum bollocking me and my brother in the street for misbehaving, interrupted her and told us to be as naughty as possible "by order of the Sheriff of Nottingham!"
(Via Aidan Moher @adribbleofink)
