Sideswipe: February: 26: Inpatient tweeters

Sideswipe February 26, inpatient tweeters. Photo / Supplied

Hot air at Heathrow

These days businesses must address the size of their carbon footprints — it's the right thing to do and it's good PR. One of the biggest offenders — the aviation industry — has been struggling to fall into line, but Heathrow Airport trumpeted that it had become carbon neutral in emissions, though only from the parts of the airport it ran and not including flights. Understandably, people on social media were a little sceptical because that's not how carbon neutrality works. One Twitter user said: "I am teetotaller, but only on weekdays and not including wine."

Glasgow Council has estimated that removing traffic cones from the head of the Duke of Wellington statue costs it £10,000 ($20,390) a year. Photo / Supplied

Moult teasers

In 1940 H.L. Mencken received a letter from a woman who called herself Georgia Southern. She said her profession was known as strip teasing, and she wondered whether Mencken could provide "a new and more palatable word to describe her art". He wrote back: "It might be a good idea to relate strip teasing in some way or other to the associated zoological phenomenon of moulting. The word moultician comes to mind, but it must be rejected because of its likeness to mortician. There is the scientific name for moulting, which is ecdysis, produces both ecdysist and ecdysiast." She went with ecdysiast. It was briefly hoped that it might open the way to lifting a ban on strip teasing; that went nowhere, but "the inevitable Association of Ecdysiasts soon appeared in the United States". ("Euphemisms," from Mencken's The American Language, 1947.)

Crime might pay but it's taking its time

A man with "CRIME PAYS" tattooed across his forehead is back behind bars after being arrested for the second time in three months. Donald Murray of Indiana was charged with resisting law enforcement, reckless driving, possession of methamphetamine, maintaining a common nuisance and car theft.

Tantrum at wheel isn't any help

"To the balding, middle-aged gent driving the yellow BMW convertible on Beach Rd between Murray's Bay and Mairangi Bay on Friday, February 21, at 11.50am — yes, the person driving the bus ahead of you was doing 40km and made several hesitant manoeuvres BUT the bus sign said "not in service". Maybe the driver was under instruction or unwell, but you screaming, honking your horn and having a "tanty" did not help matters.