Santa is pumped for Christmas as, for one day only, he swaps reindeer power for horsepower.
Santa is pumped for Christmas as, for one day only, he swaps reindeer power for horsepower.
Gift-giving gone wrong
A reader writes: “So, one year, my MIL asked that I knit a scarf for her for Christmas. She was very specific on colours and style and called several times in December to check on the status of it. She opened it on Christmas day and wasdelighted with it and immediately put it on. Then she started to hand out her presents. Tons of stuff to the kids, my husband, her husband, her other son, and her other DIL. Nothing for me. Then I heard ‘OMG, I FORGOT PRESENTS FOR YOU!’ and I turned around and found her talking to my cat.”
Santa at the pump
Santa is pumped for Christmas as, for one day only, he swaps reindeer power for horsepower.
1. “My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy’s hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy.”
2. “I let my niece out of her car seat and said, ‘You’re free!’ She responded, ‘No, I’m free and a half!’ She was 3½ years old.”
Cake gladwrap
Just making sure no pesky flies crawl all over the remaining crumbs.
Bad-fiction awards
The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest calls for entrants to “compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels”. John Farmer, of Aurora, Colorado, won this year with: “I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her missing husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn’t help — I was fresh out of salami.”
