(Spotted in Hibiscus Matters/localmatters.co.nz)
Politicians at the barbie
"A foreign Uber driver wanted to get a handle on NZ politics and wondered why did Kiwis not like Bill English," writes a reader. "I said, if politics is the family BBQ, English is the boring uncle ... I then wondered who else would be at the BBQ and asked my politically astute Facebook friends to dive in ...
"Well, Louise Upston is in the kitchen (obviously) and Grant Robertson is the guy who insists on showing everyone these neat things he's done with spreadsheets on his laptop. Steven Joyce was tasked with doing the BBQ, but hired outside help instead. Paula Bennett is the aunt who gets tipsy and starts talking about all Muslims being terrorists. Murray McCully's spiking the punch and explaining how he can get a really good deal on lamb chops. Peter Dunne's in the lounge with Maggie Barry talking about hair products and gardening. Kelvin Davis shows up with a bag of crayfish and everyone is like 'he's such a good guy'... Judith brings an ostentatious pavlova that makes everyone else's offerings look very downmarket and then makes a jibe about how you could do with losing a few kilos in earshot of everyone. Winston's fagging, drinking scotch and telling everyone how he's going to be Prime Minister. Nick Smith is the guy who gets the BBQ going with petrol, then walks along the top of the garden fence, having consumed several large ones, before falling off, staggering around and then unzipping himself and draining the dragon into the prize hydrangeas. No one invited Colin Craig but after one beer he's sitting in the corner crying. Nikki Kaye comforts him, while giving everyone 'help me' eyes. Finlayson's in the bathroom having a nosey at the host's medicine cabinet. Shearer is on the guitar playing Wonderwall but then gets in a huff because everyone who'd been patiently listening to him legged it as soon as Jacinda started DJing on her iPhone out on the deck. Simon Bridges is that guy who's like 'let's have a spa ... is anyone keen for a spa?' Funny thing is, it was Andrew Little who did all the legwork - hired the gazebo, set up the ice buckets, paid for a fair bit of beer out of his own pocket - and it's like no one even knows who he is."
Go Gore!
