Sandra in Pakuranga invited friends for a drink and nibbles to celebrate her birthday. Friends sent their affirmative replies with the inevitable question, "What can we bring? You're not cooking on your birthday?" Sandra replied: "I have two joints out so nothing else required." The replies came in very quickly wondering exactly what kind of party this was going to be. Oh my goodness, how confusing, thought Sandra. "Is it just my generation where mother cooked the Sunday joint?"
Father's Day - coming soon, nearly here, just 'round the corner
A reader writes: "Why does every brainless retailer spam potential customers telling them that 'it's nearly Father's Day' (some to push completely unrelated products - I'm looking at you Cookie Time!) and then don't include the most pertinent information, like when Father's Day actually is! You know, a date!" Father's Day is observed in New Zealand on Sunday, September 6 this year.
The mortuary of Mr W. Chambers in Washington DC caused a scandal when it issued a calendar for 1948 featuring nude models to advertise its embalming business. Tagline: Beautiful Bodies by Chambers. Time magazine criticised it as "frank vulgarity". Although that didn't stop them from reprinting a page of the calendar for the benefit of its readers. (Source: Weird Universe)
Snake bite doesn't rattle mum
A man in California might lose his hand after a rattlesnake bit him while he was attempting to take a selfie with it. Alex Gomez, 36, was hiking in Lake Elsinore, California and spotted the snake. He picked it up and wrapped it around his neck, to snap a photo with it. Of course the snake bit his hand. "It was rattling," Gomez's nephew Ronnie said. "It was pretty mad." After his hand started swelling painfully, Gomez was taken to the hospital. Now, he may have his hand amputated, as "his skin is already rotting away". The story is coming out because Gomez's mother wants to teach him a lesson. "No mercy for him," she explained. (Source: Death & Taxes)
Not the note Jono was hoping for
On Tuesday Jono parked his moped on Queen Street came back to find someone had hit his scooter. "Thankfully they were good enough to leave a note," he says. "Unfortunately the note wasn't helpful in the slightest."
TV news scripts written by below average experts
John Walsh, of Green Bay, writes: "We shouldn't be too hard on TV newsreaders (Peter Williams 'caught in the crossfire', in Wednesday's Sideswipe). We should focus on the twits that script the TV news. How many times do we hear, on the TV news, about 'armed gunmen' (is there any other kind of gunmen?); or 'armoured tanks' (all tanks are armoured); or of opinions and comments from 'leading experts'? Do they not accept comments from below average experts, or even mediocre experts?"
Music: There is a Ned Flanders themed metal band called Okilly Dokilly..."They're bespectacled, mustachioed, impeccably costumed in pink, green and grey, and their Facebook bio gets straight to the point: "Most of our songs are direct Ned quotes."
Picture this: Why have stairs in your lounge when you can have an elevator...
Video: Cat Hospital is just what it sounds like a feline soap opera set in a hospital...
