Sideswipe: August 26: Are you for real?

May have to claw back some power from the teen. This text from downstairs...

Worst Dates

1. Until I die I shall continue to mention the date who jumped out of my car at traffic lights and ran away.

2. She said she was a Conservative Party member and hated 'the poors'. The end.

3. I was taller than him (the height I had also been the week earlier when we had first met) and he asked me if I would change my heels to flats in the restaurant. I had flip flops in my bag. He told me he was technically still married. I got very drunk indeed and flip flopped home.

4. It was our first date and he spent the entire time telling me how his biggest regret was not proposing to his ex. "But I'm over her don't worry."

5. Dude showed up in dirty T-shirt, ordered his coffee, then during our conversation spent over 10 minutes explaining all the "facts" that prove Bigfoot is real.

6. The one who took me to dinner and talked for so long about his pulmonary embolism the year prior, an 80yo lady on the next table asked me if I'd like her to fake a stroke as a distraction.

7. My date had to cut dinner short because his ex girlfriend was in labor.
(Via @jannarden on Twitter)

"Ay up lad, ast'thee got any bugger in mind then?" Spotted at Devonport New World by Tom Smith.

When two plain-clothes police officers approached a woman smoking a joint at the Gothenburg Cultural Festival in Sweden, they noticed a fellow sitting nearby toss what they say was a bag of weed. As they were moving in for the bust, a seagull snatched the bag and flew away. While the police were distracted by the bird, the man reportedly took off. "What the policemen did not expect was that a third party would interfere," explained police spokesperson Stefan Gustafsson. (Via Boingboing)

Nicknames

1. A Police Inspector in my station known for his eccentric behaviour was consequently nicknamed "Harpic" - after the toilet cleaner product, the slogan of which was "Clean round the bend". A newly recruited Constable was unaware that it was only a nickname when he addressed him as "Inspector Harpic!"

2. Right from childhood, my friend Lawrence was always known as Laurie. But for the last few years this has been shortened to Truck.