"By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I — but it is the same house and it is the same family." — Hannah Fairweather
"I hate funerals — I'm not a mourning person." — Will Mars
"I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back." — Olaf Falafel
"I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx." — Richard Pulsford
"I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery." — Tim Vine
"Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate." — Sophie Duker
"I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days." — Will Duggan
Slippery customer
Boy turns out to be a goal
In 1994, the family of 13-year-old Chris Kirkland made a bet that one day their son would play for Team England, with a bookie giving them 100-1 odds. The bet paid off in 2006, when the goalkeeper played for England in a match against Greece, with the family making £10,000.