Sideswipe: August 20: Embarrassing injuries

"We loved the picture of the screaming capsicum so much we want to share our ominous looking supermarket banana box we burned," write Luke and Vicki.

Embarrassing injuries

1. Butterfly swimming race, girl in the next lane is my nemesis from enemy school. We're neck and neck: I'm convinced there's room for one last power stroke. I smash my nose into the end of the pool, blood blossoms as I touch for 1st, she shies away in horror and comes 4th. Worth it.

2. Tried out an exercise programme using an app called @ZombiesRunGame. Apparently there's a setting where you can hear them getting closer, unless you run faster. I scared myself so bad that I missed a curb, running away. I'm 40+. In a suburb. It wasn't even dark out.

3. I sneezed so hard that I slammed my face into the sink and fractured one of my teeth.

4. Dropped iron on my leg while sitting in a chair ironing. I wasn't wearing pants.

5. Stole the velvet rope from the door of a club that wouldn't let me in, and twisted my ankle ligaments running from the incredibly persistent bouncer who gave chase for around a mile. Had to give the rope back while lying on the ground asking not to be beaten up.

6. Cutting a bagel. With my finger through the hole.

7. Shovelling food into my face so hard I missed my mouth and stabbed my lip, leaving four little bloody holes.

8. Tried to catch a knife I knocked off a stand and realised what a terrible idea that was a little too late. Six stitches.

9. Broke a finger jousting with a friend using pool noodles.

10. I had to go to the emergency room because I swallowed a grape whole and it got stuck in my throat. I didn't eat another grape for three years.