Sideswipe: August 13: A letter to The Queen

Bayview Kindergarten wonders if they should be expecting a visit.

Hot hamburgers

A reader writes: "Today while working at the drive through the man at the window wanted to pay for the person behind him and he said, 'tell her I think she's hot' ... so he leaves and she pulls up, rolls down her window and I tell her her food has been paid for and she rolls her eyes, smiles and says 'that's my husband'."

Flubbed small talk

1. When 19 years old, Tim went to the local newsagents to buy a lotto ticket, and found himself at the front of the line and face to face with an attractive young woman serving him. He became a little flustered and requested "a $10 lucky dick". Cheeks already flushed, he quickly corrected himself "I mean lucky dip" which only served to further his humiliation.

2. I once combined "Stop mucking about" and "Stop fooling around". Group of students suitably shocked!

3. Coming from the UK, as I child I loved "Angel Delight", an instant mousse-type pudding. I recently meant to ask a colleague if you get "Angel Delight" in this country, but for some insane reason didn't pronounce the "g" in Angel.

Marmite off Mongolia trip

"On a recent trip to Mongolia our jar of Marmite was confiscated at Auckland Airport as it should have been in checked luggage," writes Heather Wheeler. "Two weeks into the trip I heard a young Australian man telling his friends he was going back to his gear to collect the Vegemite. On his return he generously gave me a huge spoonful which was put in a plastic bag and rationed out for the remainder of our trip. It was ambrosia".

Gourmet Vegemite

Colin Graham of Highland Park writes: "On a river cruise through Europe last month on an Australian-owned vessel, we searched the lavish breakfast buffet for Vegemite. That familiar yellow container was nowhere to be seen so we made inquiries from the staff who with obvious pride and much reverence presented us with the following display."

Puzzle of letter Z solved - maybe

The letter Z is conspicuous because in our peripheral vision the large spaces in the letter alternate with the lines of the letter as we read, explains Christo. "There is alternate cancellation and reinforcement creating a visual vibration. Look up the Moire Pattern online. This is the most 'attention-grabbing' letter as it has the biggest spaces."