Sideswipe: August 11: The definition of irony

A fire protection company car.

Buy a can opener

A young couple overheard at the supermarket while Dave was perusing tinned tomatoes. "She says: 'This brand is on special at $1'. He says: 'Nah, get this one, see they have ring-pulls'. So, they took a couple of cans with ring-pulls. I'm in my 60s and am financially 'comfortable' - I took the ones at $1. I guess it was a good move, learning to use a can opener at an early age."

Can't lick that one

"My friend's two dogs, labrador and jack russell, are great mates," writes Deirdre from Snells Beach. "She noticed that the smaller dog was incessantly licking the side of the big one's mouth. A closer look and she found a very nasty red-looking sore that he was obviously trying to soothe. What a pal, she thought. Down to the vet, who looked at the sore carefully, took out a scalpel and got to work cleaning the 'wound'. He then gave her the half eaten toffee and sent her and the dogs home."

Know your body

1. hallux: This is the technical word for your big toe. On the opposite side (of the foot), the little toe is called the minimus.
2. uvula: The uvula is the fleshy extension that hangs at the back of the mouth above the opening of the throat. It helps to close the nasopharynx during swallowing, so that no food can enter the nasal passage. It also causes the initiation of the gag reflex if stimulated, and is used to articulate a range of sounds in speech, such as the guttural R used in French.
3. gynaecomastia: The technical medical term for 'moobs'.
(Via Oxforddictionary.com)

Spotted in Oakura by Wayne

Shrinking sea not climate change

Ian Read says I've been sucked in by fake news. Doh! He's right. "The Aral Sea was indeed affected by the diverting of major rivers by Russia," he explains. "The reason it has dried up over a long period of time is due to the hot summers that naturally occur in the region and the inability of the water it does receive to recover the bed pan. Nothing to do with climate change or perceived global warming. The Aral Sea is what is left after a large ocean disappeared some 6 million years ago known as the Tethys Sea. The Caspian Sea is a result of the same geographical activity hence it is called a sea and not a lake. Obviously there are many who are not happy about what the Russians did."

Persecuting the Polish?

All I see when I read this sign in Henderson is two bleeding arm stumps ...

Caught in the act

Go back to bed, this doesn't concern you.

Video Pick

The Worm That Turned is a glorious sketch from 70s comedy the Two Ronnies (YEAR) where England is in the grip of a new regime of Terror. "Traditionally a land of brave heroes and great statesmen. Britain now laboured under the yoke of a power guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of all men... The country is being run by women..."

Episode 2 here.
Episode 3 here.
Episode 4 here.
Episode 5 here.
Episode 6 here.
Episode 7 here.
Episode 8 here.

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz