Sideswipe: April 22: Artificially ripped

Photo / Supplied

Lifting weights can be tiring, but now you can just buy your social media physique, made from 100 per cent medical-grade silicone. Chinese online shopping website Taobao is selling Smitzen silicone body suits for NZ$800.

Famous writers and the art of saying no

Playwright Tom Stoppard sent an invitation to playwright Harold Pinter. He replied with: "Thank you for your invitation to host a fundraising dinner in the private room of a top London restaurant. I would rather die." George Bernard Shaw replied to a letter from Archibald Henderson in 1930 with: "A dinner! How horrible! I am to be made the pretext for killing all those wretched animals! Thank you for nothing. Blood sacrifices are not in my line." And when an academic invited Kurt Vonnegut to come speak to students in 2007, he didn't seems keen ... "I cannot be of any use to you and your students nowadays, alas, since, at 84, I resemble nothing so much as an iguana, hate travel, and have nothing to say. I might as well send a spent Roman candle in my stead." (Via Letters of Note)

The crucial fourth ice cream bowl was lost at some point, forever altering the vibe.

Tweet goodness

"My love language is making fun of each other until one of us goes too far and then we are in a fight." (Hannah Berner)

"You're a burglar, but you can only take things that would mildly inconvenience people, what do you take? I'm stealing the microwave plate."

"Today my carelessness made someone late for work. He could lose his job, his home. Sir, if you're reading this, I can't replace the extra .74 seconds you sat at that green light, but your honk — still echoing in my soul — serves as a harsh reminder that my actions have consequences." @HenpeckedHal

Somebody didn't get their dying wish

"You often find a sentimental detail hidden inside something you've picked up second-hand, like a personalised message at the front of a book or an old necklace left behind in a handbag. Other times, you might be less lucky and stumble upon a snotty tissue or a used plaster. While op-shopping I found a lovely red velvet jacket. I was going to buy it until I found a note pinned inside the pocket. It read: "Bury me in this red suit". I was slightly creeped out and decided against it."