KEY POINTS:
Which Dancing with the Stars contestant got trapped in his outfit and had to take a last-minute pee in a bottle backstage? Which madam demanded hundreds of beads be removed from her gown hours before going on air? And which elegant dancer took three others to the toilet so she didn't get her gown, er, dirty?
Claire Palmer isn't about to tell, nor give away any of her more personal insights into celebrity behaviour during the first two series. For the woman behind the show's most ostentatious star - the costumes - what goes on backstage, stays backstage. The rest is styling, stitching and parenting.
"There's a lot of anxiety and nerves; it's amazing," she says from her workroom at TVNZ's Wellington studio. "You think these people are so professional and bulletproof and ballsy and they come in here and ask, 'Where's the rescue remedy?' "
You'd probably ask that too if you had to squeeze into some of the show's more garish ensembles, then parade your half-naked flesh live on national television. Who could forget Shane Cortese's tight, open-shirted pink number? "Yes, sometimes the dancers are out of their comfort zone," she says. "But that's part of the game."
The costumes might look like the product of months of preparation, but Palmer has just seven weeks of "chaos". About a quarter of the costumes come from across the ditch; the rest are her designs. Then there are the shoes, the judges and the hosts to worry about. "I wake up all the time and go 'Oh my gosh, I have to remember that'. I bring a million lists to work each day."
Palmer worked in television for 15 years, specialising in period costumes and contemporary clothing (including a stint on The Tribe) when Dancing with the Stars producer Debra Kelleher approached her with an offer. She doesn't have a background in ballroom - but after 20 years in the rock'n'roll dance scene she knows the importance of comfort.
"Sometimes the music has a theme. If it's the waltz I know to make a ballroom dress. If the music is Pink Panther obviously I'd like to put them in pink, and that's the boys as well."
Naturally, that doesn't always go down well. Most of the men are happy wearing tailsuits for the ballroom; it's the tight Latin numbers they're not so sure about.
"I convince them it's for their own good. 'We can't have your shirts getting untucked, they have to look nice and snug. They can't be too big and flappy. You don't want to get hooked up on anything'."
Usually, it's the women with the biggest insecurities. Of the season three performers, Megan Alatini is one of the few used to performing. "April is very playful, so we can work with that. Suzanne is a little more mature so I wouldn't give her anything as skimpy as the others, which doesn't mean to say she couldn't wear it well."
The first fitting opportunity is the day before the show when the dancers do a full dress rehearsal, whether or not the costume is finished. "Quite often we'll shorten hemlines and we'll just keep chopping things off." That's if it's going well. If it's not, it's a different story. There's always one who makes things difficult.
"Sometimes the demands get out of hand. We're on a budget and sometimes their demands have to be nipped in the bud. Some try to pull rank on me by going to the producer if they're not happy.
"Some couldn't care less, others ring me three weeks in advance to find out what they're wearing or to say, we're doing the cha cha and we'd like to wear blue, something with a bit of movement. Keeping them comfortable is the biggest thing. If you're not 100 per cent comfortable in your costume you won't give 100 per cent to the performance."
Once the egos are dealt with, the next challenge is creating something that looks good under the lights. This is where Palmer finds she's often disappointed, because even with $500 worth of rhinestones sewn painstakingly into a frock, the shine is dulled on TV. "Sometimes I think, why did we bother?"
So she uses unusual fabrics - lurex is a goodie. As for the finished product, you either love 'em or hate 'em. Ballgowns are flashy as glamour is important but subtlety is not.
"There's no limit to how big we can go. There are more fashion trends in competitions. We don't necessarily follow the same rules. We can take everything a step further and play with it."
Although Palmer proudly calls her creations "fabulous", she has boundaries. She and her team - which includes three fulltime assistants and two part-timers - have one week to put together at least 16 costumes, including those for hosts Candy Lane and Jason Gunn. "There are no fittings. We just wing it and hope it works on the day."
While she has never had anyone unravel on TV, there have been panic stations backstage. "Jewellery malfunctions, people have to be stitched into costumes because something is not secure.
"Nerves are running high and it's not just the dancers. But that's the fun of it. It's so, so exciting."
What: Dancing with the Stars
Where and when: TV One, tonight, 8.30
