"What's happening? Why are they being mean to her? Where are they going? Who are they? What are they doing?"
This was the endless stream of questions coming from the little boy behind us. He was confused and frankly, so were we. Props to his mum for trying to answer his quandaries because I certainly couldn't.
Andrew Lloyd Webber's 1982 musical Cats is considered a classic but like most things from that decade, it hasn't aged gracefully. Not even a 21st Century rap number can modernise this stale feline tale.
• See Spy's photos from Cat's opening night gala
Cats is a musical for those who love spectacle rather than theatre (or plot). The choreography is incredible and well executed but nothing can distract from the fact there is no story behind it. A fact that leads to confusion, distraction and ultimately boredom.