Review: Beyonce and Jay-Z's love-in stinks up the joint

Beyonce and Jay-Z are a force to be reckoned with on Everything Is Love.

"Hundred million crib," raps Jay-Z. "Three million watch. All Facts." Beyonce responds to his boasts: "My great-great-grandchildren already rich / That's a lot of brown children on your Forbes list."

But Jay-Z's on a roll. He can't stop: "It's disturbing what I gross." Neither can she. "Got that dinero on my mind."

It sure is. All of that is a taste of just one track from Beyonce and Jay-Z's first joint album, surprise-released over the weekend. Everything Is Love is meant to be a celebration of their enduring relationship, and of putting their well-documented marital woes behind them.

It's also meant to be a power move from music's biggest power couple, who are in the middle of a powerful world tour.

But the music, smug to a fault, can't help but rub their success in our faces. "Bought him a jet," sings Beyonce on Apeshit, the nine-track album's biggest banger. "These diamonds on me, they see-through."

All that would be fine: materialism is, of course, the most rapped about thing ever. Jay-Z's dined out on it for years; Beyonce's dabbled too.

But coming after Beyonce's bruising Lemonade and Jay-Z's 4:44, albums that invited you into the private world of two super-private individuals, and detailed an extra-marital affair that Jay-Z has since owned up to, Everything Is Love can't help but feel a little lightweight.

Sure, there's no denying the thrill of hearing Beyonce aggressively rapping the chorus of Dre's Still Dre on 713, or reinterpreting the hook of Biggie's Juicy on Heard About Us. When Beyonce slams Spotify over Nice's menacing bass tricks, she sounds really fired up. "F*** you," she spits.

Jay-Z mostly takes a back seat. Aside from some digs at the Grammys and the Super Bowl, he feels mostly on autopilot. There's none of the whispered insights of 4:44, just manic money talk. "Covered in ice, ice, ice, ice."

It's hard to escape the fact the pair were more relatable, and the music was more thrilling, when elevator wars were breaking out, Becky with the good hair was involved, and Beyonce was spitting lines like "Middle fingers up / Put them hands high /
Wave it in his face / Tell him, boy, bye."

Aside from the multi-layered Louvre-shot video for Apeshit, the most controversial thing about Everything Is Love is the timing of its release, up against Kanye's new one with Nas.

Jay-Z is Kanye's former bestie, so is that a shot fired? If so, it's the only one.

The Carters - Everything Is Love

Label: Tidal
Verdict: Money's on their mind. And that's about it.