We gasped, we laughed, we hated, and we lost a few investigative reporters — but there’s always talk shows
If we could all stop running around in the fresh air and put down our adult colouring-in books for a second, I think we'd find the key to a healthy, happy holiday is right in front of us.
Television. There's too much being made and someone needs to watch it. So start small. A cheeky 90 minutes' extra screen time a day. A couple of Ondemand shows while you shower.
What the heck - pretend you own an Oculus Rift and strap the box to your face all summer. I guarantee it'll give you insights into the human condition that you won't get from talking to people, or reading. Still not convinced? Here's what I've learned from the TV year that was ...
This week's Shortland Street finale (TV2) ended with hostages and a shoot-out - a scenario likely to have been dreamed up well before the Paris terror attacks - but bloody hell! Was it not a little close to the bone? Meanwhile, there's a fine line between drama laced with reality and tempting fate, and in the case of Homeland (SoHo) - while we're used to ex-CIA agent Carrie Mathison battling terrorists, the fifth season featured Isis, Vladimir Putin and the Charlie Hebdo massacre. What's next for extremists, a Hollywood star?
On a more human level, not only has Transparent returned to Lightbox for a second season about transgender dad Mort; over on the documentary channel known as E! came a much-hyped show called I Am Cait. A Kardashian-flavoured series might not seem like a giant step for the LGBT community, but because Jenner identifies as a Republican, her coming out forced conservative US politicians to speak out in support, hopefully influencing attitudes further afield.
And just when you thought you'd seen it all, along came Liz Hurley as a scantily-clad, potty-mouthed queen in The Royals (Neon), taboo themes of incest, child trafficking and suicide in Flesh & Bone (Lightbox) and Rachel Hunter slathering her face in what appeared to be Greek sea excrement for Tour of Beauty, (TV One).
Life is funnier online
Aziz Ansari in Master of None. Photo / Supplied
Even the Golden Globes judges agree, with many of the nominees for Best Comedy - Orange is the New Black, Silicon Valley, Transparent - coming from streaming services. My new favourites are Master of None (Netflix) with nominee Aziz Ansari (the racist fruiterer from Flight of the Conchords), and locally, the variety of skits on Watchme.co.nz, particularly Josh Thomson and Vaughan Smith in Critic and the Pig.
Staying informed is essential
Now that both Campbell Live and 3D are off air, and Heather du Plessis-Allan is clearly a gun-toting criminal, we need to scale back our expectations of TV3's current affairs and stick to ... no, not TV One, Prime or Al Jazeera. Talk shows. This year Rose McIver talked to Jimmy Kimmel, Lorde chatted with Jimmy Fallon, and er, Kiwi weight loss star Simone Anderson appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, so obviously this is where all the big news is breaking. Eventually, the hosts come to New Zealand too so it pays to keep up with who's who. Some woman called Oprah arrived this week. As the flag referendum continues into the new year, you can bet that British late-night host John Oliver will have something to say about it.
Spading is dangerous
Inside Amy Schumer (Comedy Central) broke an important story this year, revealing the thousands of women who die riding mechanical bulls. These good-timers mount bucking broncos to titillate drunk men in pubs, but risk being violently thrown off, decapitated and really embarrassed. Even better than seeing the American comedian try to tame the cavorting artificial beast? The successful dismantling of yet another sexist norm.
Another unforgettable warning about breeding came from the Britcom Catastrophe (SoHo), about an unlikely pair who have a fling that results in a pregnancy. In one of my favourite lines of the year, a friend advised the dad-to-be to keep out of the delivery room: "You see that little troll come tobogganing out of your wife on a wave of turds - and part of you will hold her responsible."
Finally, who could forget The Bachelor? In March, New Zealand got its own version of the mildly tragic yet entertaining dating show. There was Art, the fart, and a girl who was smart (Crystal, who went on to Dancing with the Stars fame.) But there was also Dani's Disastrous Dumping, after the paleolithic-boxer-with-a-heart-of-gold chose Matilda to appear with him on women's magazine covers for the rest of the year.
Being mean is not okay - except when you rate
Who won The X Factor New Zealand? I can't remember - but I can recall Willy Moon and Natalia Kills being fired from the show after their nasty tirade against one of the contestants. Auckland sisters Katrina and Natasha left My Kitchen Rules (TV2) with lower-than-expected scores and the title of "snobs" after making snide comments about the other teams' cooking. Brooke and Mitch from The Block NZ, on the other hand? They got $290,000.
