Reality not pretty

Don't know about you, but I admire those who are brave - some might say silly - enough to take part in reality shows like New Zealand's Next Top Model and The Apprentice.

My reasoning being: why put yourself through it?

With MasterChef New Zealand wrapping up recently, The Apprentice finishing this week, karaoke-style show Homai Te Pakipaki in full swing, and Top Model back later this year, I've been wondering which show would be best to enter.

What would you get out of it? Would it be a good career move? And the big question: would you be able to walk down the street with your head held high aftewards?

This could be my tummy talking but I think MasterChef is the way to go (if there is a second series, that is, and you would imagine there will be so as not to put that fancy kitchen to waste).

You might be told your custard tastes like crap and have to put up with Simon Gault imploring you to not forget "the seasoning", but it's the show you're most likely to leave with your dignity intact.

And, at the very least, you will have honed your skills so you can make friends and family an even better feed when you get home.

On the other hand, The Apprentice and Top Model are ruthless shows for those with iron wills, impenetrable egos and staunch ambition.

And though those in the frumpy business suits cop flak, it's the young, petite, and pretty ones who get the harshest scrutiny on Top Model.

I'll say it again: why put yourself through it? They are subjected to rugged criticism and often ridiculed by the judges; in the Top Model house the ability to backstab each other is a natural survival instinct; and starving yourself a little helps too. Remember Ruby in the first season? She was told she might want to drop a few kilograms so she'd fit the clothes better.

And another thing, the Kiwi Top Model is the tall chicks' version of the show, with contestants having to be at least 170cm.

The format of the current cycle of America's Next Top Model on Friday nights is for girls shorter than that, which is not a bad idea - even if most of them do look like toothpicks.

Given New Zealand's smaller population, wouldn't it be a good idea if the format of NZNTM was a variation of the short and tall version meaning more girls and therefore more potential?

It will never happen of course, and I can just hear host Sara Tetro now: "Like, whatever."

Put it this way, a colleague of mine - measuring in at a cool 154cm - is pretty miffed she isn't able to enter. She'd do well, honestly, because with heels on she's not that much shorter than Kate Moss.

Over on The Apprentice you have to wonder about the future opportunities Thomas Ben will have as the winner of the show. For starters, big boss man Terry Serepisos' business ventures have been under a cloud since it was revealed he owed nearly $2 million to subcontractors and to the Wellington City Council in rates.

And Tom is a family man with five kids, and an all-round Mr Nice Guy with the business approach to match. How will this go down alongside Serepisos' steely henchmen on the show?

Still, there are some positives. Terry's office overlooking Wellington Harbour has nice views, and Tom will get to watch Wellington Phoenix games from a corporate box. Hope he likes soccer.

One question though How is he going to fit his wife and five kids into his new two-bedroom apartment?

Another show worth having a crack at would be Homai Te Pakipaki. Winning the $10,000 first prize would be nice, but unlikely since there's some fierce competition in karaoke land. And besides, this show is not about the money, because if you've watched it you'll know it's more like having a great night out with your mates - more fun than being fired on national TV for flirting with Richie McCaw. I doubt that Linda Slade will ever live that down.

Me, I'd recover eventually ... .