Broadcaster Mike Lane lost his friend to suicide: "I put off having a beer with a mate. The next week I attended a 'celebration of his life'. Photo / NZME
It's hard to keep radio announcers quiet but today that's exactly what the Radio Hauraki crew is going to do. Until midnight there will be no shows, no ads, no news and no traffic or weather reports.
No Talk Day is all about encouraging Kiwi blokes to talk about their mental health.
And it's personal. Today Radio Hauraki and Alternative Commentary Collective star Mike Lane opens up on losing his mate to suicide.
COMMENT
I wish I had stuck to our original date to catch up for a beer, instead I was having a beer at his wake.
It blindsided me. One week I was arranging (then delaying) catching up with a former work colleague and mate who had just returned from overseas.
The following week I was attending a "celebration of his life" after he succumbed to his mental illness and took his own life.
Daz was a man that knew everybody, had multiple circles of friends, loved a beer, and famously lost half his front teeth in a caterpillar dance manoeuvre that went spectacularly wrong.
But instead of being mortified about the tragic loss of his top dentures (and most of his bottom ones), he carried a photo around on his phone of the fresh aftermath.
Why? Well probably because it put a smile on someone else's face and made them feel good about themselves…as they still had all their teeth and Daz didn't.
The days leading up to his funeral were hard.
I hadn't even known he had been battling bipolar for a number of years, which added to the guilt I was already feeling about putting off catching up for a beer in favour of more frivolous priorities such as work or general life admin.
As much as people like to spin funerals as a "celebration of life", it's not like that when the person's young family is left behind so tragically – it's just bloody sad.
And as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I wasn't looking forward to it.
However, this all changed within the first 10 minutes when Daz's wife Emily stood up to address the room - and most importantly the elephant in the room - which was how and why Daz took his own life.
Everyone knew that Daz had taken his own life but we didn't quite realise the extent to which his illness had consumed him. It felt like she was talking directly to me when she said.
"We need to all try and bury the 'if only's'. Nothing any of us could have done, not you, not me ... would have changed this tragedy. Nothing was stronger than the hold bipolar had over Daz's mind when at that particular moment, he didn't see any other way out."
The collective exhale in the room was palpable – that's pretty much all I'd been thinking since I heard the news three days beforehand.
She explained he'd kept his illness very much to himself, his family and very close friends so the guilt I had been feeling subsided slightly.
I genuinely enjoyed hearing the many stories people told, not only that afternoon, but well into the evening at what is still the biggest and longest wake I have ever attended.
Even though my mind was put to rest somewhat, one thing still bugged me.
I never got to catch up with him for that beer. I never got to ask him "how're things mate?".
Sure, I probably wouldn't have affected the decision he made that day but I had prioritised pointless crap that could have easily been put off. I wish I could go back and give myself an uppercut.
And that's pretty much what today is all about on Radio Hauraki – it's a gentle uppercut via the medium of radio.
Call a mate you haven't seen in a while, or a mate you know might be going through a hard time – it may be the most important conversation you ever have.
It's simple – today we're not talking on Radio Hauraki to encourage Kiwi men to start.
Radio Hauraki's No Talk Day has one simple goal and that is to get Kiwis to make mental health and indeed men's mental health part of everyday conversation. For more information on how to be a good mate, click here.
If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call 111.
If you need to talk to someone, the following free helplines operate 24/7:
DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757
LIFELINE: 0800 543 354
NEED TO TALK? Call or text 1737
SAMARITANS: 0800 726 666
YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633 or text 234
There are lots of places to get support. For others, click here.
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