David Friend(glasses) and Simon Morely spend a moment back stage for some fresh air moments before going on stage and performing their Puppetry Of The Penis act. Photo / Getty
WARNING: The following interview contains adult themes and traces of nuts.
It's been almost 20 years since Puppetry of the Penis introduced audiences to the art of genital origami.
Since then the show has been performed in 35 countries with stars including Hugh Grant, Naomi Campbell, Elton John, Bono and even golden balls himself, David Beckham, checking it out.
And now the show, which was created by Aussies, is returning to the Australian shores for a 27-city tour from February to April.
News.com.au recently chewed the fat with Barry Brisco, one of the Puppetry of the Penis members (pun intended) who told them he was willing to answer ANY questions at all, no matter how inappropriate:
Do you prepare your 'tool of the trade' before you go on stage?
"You definitely have to," Brisco said.
"Some of the guys use hot water bottles before the show. Also, once we take our capes off, we do a warm up right there on stage. But we've found this out as well. If you 'warm' yourself up before you go out on stage and you've got too much d**k, the audience just stares at you and thinks, 'Oh my!' We call that TMD."
Have you ever got an erection on stage?
"Not really," Brisco said before laughing.
"Nobody has done it on stage yet but the camera lady would tell you something different. She'll say to us, 'Oh no, I could tell'.
"But I'd run off stage before I popped a wood."
Do you have a tactic to prevent yourself getting an erection on stage?
"If I feel it coming, I'll just stare at the camera person," Brisco said.
"You have to maintain that professional line when you're on stage. You get an erection and the show's over because the audience will see it and you may not be able to get out of it."
Have you ever injured yourself on stage?
"Yes, yes I have," Brisco said before recalling the painful incident.
"I wasn't paying attention. I was pulling my d**k one way and then I quickly turned to make a joke to the other side of the audience while I was still pulling it the other way. I almost felt a snap. I went to the doctor and he was like, 'Basically, you broke it'. So yeah, you can pull your d**k too far."
Do friends often pitch d**k trick ideas to you?
"All the time," Brisco said.
"If anyone wants to show me a trick, I'll look at it. But most of the time people aren't doing anything that we haven't workshopped before."
Brisco and his Puppetry of the Penis mate, Rich Binning, have a few new tricks for their Aussie tour including The Miley Cyrus, The Yoda and The Kardashian.
There are two types of penises, circumcised and not. What's better for d** tricks?
"Uncut is better for tricks," Brisco said, but added that some audiences just can't handle seeing a foreskin.
"Especially here in America, people are uncomfortable. They don't want to see all of that. American women don't like foreskins.
"So if one of our puppeteers does have one, they have to hold their foreskin back to do the tricks because it gets in the way. It can be too much. Like, if we're doing a trick called The Baby Bird, people in the audience will be like, 'Oh my God, that bird's got one hell of a beak!' "There are two rules for Puppetry of the Penis: You want to keep it from being sexual and you want to keep it from being gross."
What are Australian audiences like in relation to American ones?
"Australian audiences are so much better," the entertainer said.
"We're doing a show in Las Vegas at the moment and it's been the hardest place to get people on stage for audience participation to do the hamburger trick with us. In Australia, we get blokey guys and rowdy girls and they're just the perfect d**k show audience.
"When I was in Australia last time, I had never experienced this before, as soon as we walked into bars, waiters and customers would just walk over to us and get their d**ks out and start doing tricks for us. That's amazing."
'Congratulations Boyz II Men for the worst anthem rendition of the season.'