Gene Simmons shares his secret to success in show business. Photo / Supplied
Gene Simmons shares his secret to success in show business. Photo / Supplied
Gene Simmons likes to make money - and he wants other musicians to make money too. He tells Chris Schulz why young bands should copy Kiss' blueprints for success.
If you're thinking about starting a band, Gene Simmons has some advice for you. And a few expletives.
"F*** respect," he says, firing up on a creaky phone line from Beverly Hills. "F*** credibility. It means nothing. Have fun. Do great stuff. Don't get stuck on, 'Hey, I'm not supposed to do that'. Credibility means f*** all."
If you're wondering whether you can trust a man whose day job requires him to dress like a character from a Mad Max film and stick out his giant tongue, first you'd better look at the facts.
Since their inception in 1973, the New York hard rock veterans - the current line-up features Paul Stanley, Eric Singer, Thommy Thayer and Simmons - remain a huge drawcard on the live circuit. Their 40th anniversary celebration tour and giant spider stage (see below) is into its second year, and will hit New Zealand in October after crawling across Europe and Australia.
With 20 studio albums behind them, Kiss were recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame - something celebrated by their rabid fanbase, who assemble themselves in a military-style squad called the "Kiss Army".
"They form tribute bands. They tattoo their bodies with our faces. They name their children after our songs. Then they hold Kiss conventions on their own. We don't even know about them till after the fact," says Simmons, in awe.
Then there's the merchandise. If you're that way inclined, you can visit the Kiss golf course in Las Vegas by catching the Kiss limousine service.
In Los Angeles, you can attend games by the LA Kiss football team, then grab a bite to eat at Simmons' restaurant chain, Rock & Brews.
Of course, you can do all this wearing your favourite Kiss T-shirt. There are plenty to choose from: the Kiss online store features nearly 50 different designs.
"There have been literally 5000 licensed products - everything from Kiss condoms to Kiss caskets," Simmons explains, before completing his well-worn joke. "That's because we like to get you coming - and going."
It's fair to say we've reached saturation point - peak Kiss, if you will. Despite this, Simmons says he turns down branding opportunities all the time - including one for "Kiss crack". "We say no to all sorts of things all the time. Kiss crack wasn't a good idea. My favourite item changes every day. Today it's the Japanese Kiss postage stamp."
Yes - you can now lick the back of a stamp bearing the face of a man sticking out his giant tongue.
Saliva and self-promotion aside, Simmons' stance on branding comes with a serious side.
He's a huge critic of the impact the internet has had on the music industry, one that has seen physical sales dwindle and illegal downloads soar. His solutions range from dishing out "punishment and jail" to thieves, to telling young bands to copy the way Kiss does it.
His advice boils down to this: sell out - and don't look back.
"Rappers understand that more than the rockers," he says.
"They're flexible: 'get me a bottled water deal, get me a clothing deal'. Rock bands are concerned about credibility. It means nothing. It means someone who writes for a newspaper or magazine or the internet has some nice words to say about you. Let the people decide what they like and what they don't like - forget about everybody else. We did - and we won."
Yes, Simmons likes to make money - but backing up his attitude is some serious hard work. On show days, Simmons spends up to eight hours at the venue with his band mates, performing acoustic sets backstage for fanclub members and spending two hours in the makeup chair before show time. Not bad for a 65-year-old.
"We are the hardest working band in showbiz," Simmons declares. "I wear 11 pounds [5kg] of dragon boots eight inches [20cm] high on each foot. That's 22 pounds just of boots. On top of that is 30 pounds of guitar and armour, then I have to shoot fire out of my face and fly through the air. There are rockets going off on stage, fireballs ... you get levitated into the sky.
"Physically, you've gotta keep doing it for two hours straight. It is exhausting, I dare anyone to do what we do. They would collapse."
Despite the pain he endures, Simmons wouldn't want to be in any band other than Kiss.
"Even though I greatly admire and respect bands like Radiohead, I don't want to be in that band. I think I'd hang myself at the end of the second song - it's too depressing," he says.
One suspects that if he did, the noose would bear a familiar brand name.
Gene Simmons in action during a show in Netherlands. Photo/Getty
Along came a spider
If you suffer from arachnophobia, a Kiss concert might not be the best place for you. That's because the veteran rockers perform on a stage with a gigantic "spider monster" dangling over it. And this freaky creature looks and moves just like the real thing.
"It moves like a monstrous transformer robot from another planet," says Gene Simmons. "It can do unbelievable things. We start the show by riding on its back.
The drums come down from the heavens, bombs go off and it sets us down on stage. Each leg moves by itself." This arachnid is reliable too: Kiss have been using the spider - which was created by guitarist Paul Stanley from a notepad doodle - for several tours, and it has yet to break down on them.
"It's too big to fit in a plane. We're shipping it over. This thing is 80ft [24m] wide, 60ft [18m] high," Simmons says. He thinks the spider is helping Kiss deliver some of their best ever shows.
What: Gene Simmons, the man with the giant tongue Where: Playing with Kiss at Auckland's Vector Arena on October 16
