KEY POINTS:
Elvis may have well and truly left the building, but his face ache widow, Priscilla Presley, is still with us... just.
Barely recognisable as the beauty that stole the King's heart in the sixties, neither time - nor seemingly the surgeon's scalpel - has been kind to Priscilla.
Celebrity news website TMZ.com is claiming that Presley's 'pit-bull chewing on a wasp look' is all down to allegedly having her face botched by a quack.
Seriously, you don't need to be Einstein to figure out that something went very wrong indeed between this and this.
Give her a couple more years and she's got the unenviable potential of ending up looking like this picture of beauty.
Anyway...
Not only has Presley's face allegedly been tinkered with, but the handiwork was supposedly done by a gigolo who spent time in jail for scamming a string of Hollywood beauties.
Presley reportedly had a consultation with a chap called Dr Daniel Serrano in 2003.
Described by TMZ as a "good-looking doc from Argentina", Serrano weaselled his way into Hollywood's A-list and started injecting ageing, youth-obsessed actresses with a substance he claimed was superior to Botox.
That was a big fat lie, obviously.
Serrano was in fact supposedly injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women.
Presley wasn't Serrano's only victim, however. The doc, nicknamed Dr Jiffy Lube by his clients, is said to have got his evil mitts on talk show host Larry King's wife, Shawn King, and also singer Lionel Richie's wife, Diane during organised "injection parties".
What's worse is that Serrano was needling these old croaks with a non-FDA approved drug that he had supposedly smuggled in to the US.
Shawn King has reportedly said that the bizarre injections "created a lump in her lip that made it difficult to speak and drink liquids".
Other victims (both men and women) say the injections caused lumps, paralysis and holes in their faces.
And there's more...
Serrano was reportedly not even registered as a doc in the US.
The Feds finally caught up with his ass last week and nabbed him for drug smuggling and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs. He was convicted and later released but is still being investigated by federal immigration officials.
The website also claims that Diane Richie was indicted as an accomplice - WTF? But pled out and was later placed on probation.
But as for poor Priscilla Presley - who reportedly had no idea she was being injected with toxic silicone - she's said to be undergoing corrective treatment.
So what's the moral of the story? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
So contrary
No more arenas for George Michael.
Singer George Michael's upcoming summer arena tour of the US will reportedly be his last - because he doesn't do big venues.
Size Queen
George, 44, will take his 25 Live show to America this June - his first US show in 17 years.
But the singer says he's fed up of playing large arenas and wants to focus on more intimate venues instead.
He tells newspaper USA Today: "I don't want to do anything on this scale again. No more stadiums. I'd like to be the Tony Bennett for my generation."
"It's the end of a certain era, and I'm not sure how much I really want to be a part of what's next. So, it's a kind of a way of saying thank you to everybody before I move on."
Winehouse's Mother: 'Amy Is Making Me Ill'
Amy Winehouse's put-upon mother Janis is said to be taking a break from caring for her beleaguered daughter - fearing Wino's drug problems are affecting her own health.
British tabloid The Sun reports that Janis, 53, was recently diagnosed with debilitating disease multiple sclerosis, and says the stress of caring for Wino has worsened her condition.
Wino's father, Mitch, has also been instrumental in helping the jazz singer recover from her drug addictions, but Janis has had enough.
She says: "I physically can't cope with all the running around Mitch does to try and keep her out of trouble. I had a relapse recently and I don't want another one."
Grim reaper
This is tragic.
The husband of British soul sensation Corinne Bailey Rae has been found dead, according to news reports.
Jason Rae's body was reportedly found in a flat in the northern British city of Leeds on Saturday, says The Daily Telegraph.
Early indications look like the 31-year-old died as a result of a suspected drug overdose.
Toxicology reports are expected in the coming weeks.
Corrine, 29, and Jason married in 2001.
Bailey Rae's record label issued this statement: "Corinne and Jason married in 2001.
"EMI Records would like to offer its sincere condolences to Corinne Bailey Rae and the Rae family at this tragic time.
"We ask that the media respects Corinne's privacy and that of her entire family."
What a waste.
She'd rather go vajayjay...
Kate Beckinsale doesn't do sushi. She had this to say during a recent magazine interview:
"I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. My publicist has literally turned a funny colour and is going to go have a lie-down.
"He's throwing up now, as well. I find a lot of things kind'of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, 'What's the matter with you?' But I haven't ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don't really worry about it."
Darling, you should worry about it - otherwise you come across like some turrets-afflicted dumbo with a serious case of the verbals.
RIP Sophie
I can't believe I'm even reporting this, but...
TV megalomaniac Oprah Winfrey's treasured 13-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, has died of kidney failure.
Black armbands at the ready, folks.
Woof.
A source at the talk show Queen's Harpo production company said: "Everyone here is really sad.
"Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family as well as Oprah's."
I've seen the extent of Oprah's devotion to her pooches, and it scared the bejesus out of me. She famously dedicated an hour-long show to one of her other dogs that snuffed it last year - it choked on a ball, apparently.
"Her life was a gift to me," she said at the time. "Her death, a greater one."
There's something sickly sinister about childless couples like Winfrey and long-term partner Stedman Graham and their obsessive devotion to their pooches. They cross the line and value their pets' lives above their own.
Barking.
Sophie rests for eternity here.
Not a good look
Victoria Beckham's new ad campaign for Marc Jacobs is a shocker.
Take a look at this piccie.
Fierce. I don't get it.
Thanks to celebrityrant.blogspot.com for the images.
Ego-a-go-go!
Surprise, surprise - Sarah Jessica Parker thinks Sex and The City is all about her.
The latest gossip states that Parker, who was recently voted Maxim magazine's Unsexiest Woman, is making incessant demands that posters for the Sex and The City film only feature her character.
And it looks like her wish was granted.
See here.
Star magazine claims that Parker irritated film bosses with her demands:
"She fought to have the movie poster feature only her.
"They planned to sell luxury T-shirts and shoes to coincide with the movie's release, but Sarah demanded that the merchandise be sold only through her Bitten line. This way, the focus will still be on Sarah and she'll profit from the sales."
This is but another manifestation of Parker's burgeoning ego. You've only to listen to Sex and The City's theme tune to get a measure of her swollen cranium... as the opening bars kick in, merely insert the word "me" with every note change: "Me, me, me, me, me..."
Idiot alert
Fact: Paris Hilton's skull is filled with nothing but sawdust.
The pointless heiress made a complete twit of herself recently when asked what she thought of South Africa.
"I love Africa in general - South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries," Hilton said.
Good heavens. Mind you don't cut yourself with that sharp mind of yours, Hilton.
Hilton made the gaffe while visiting Johannesburg with current boyfriend Benji Madden, whose band Good Charlotte was performing there as part of the My Coke Fest World Tour.
But Hilton's not alone when it comes to celebrity idiocy:
Last week The Sun revealed how Amy Winehouse had no idea what the United Nations is.
She said of the UN: "What's that?"
Then there's this sorry lot.
This is an awareness test...
Watch this video clip and test your awareness skills.
Cute and clever.
Final push
The Netguide web awards are coming...
Click here to vote for me as best blog.
Thank you!
Fast gossip
Give me five minutes and I'll tell you everything...
Does Madonna now want to be known as 'M-Dolla'? Towleroad
Jonathan Rhys Meyers and his bug eyes: Hollywood Rag
Fergie's rep says she's not pregnant: Socialite's Life
Britney's new God: DL
Celebrity Easter bunnies: CH
Sienna Miller is engaged: HBW
Reese Witherspoon buys her kids a piglet: CDW
Steve-O blames his parents for his problems: Gabby Babble
Jodie Foster is scary skinny: Bitten and Bound
Goldie Hawn has the scariest face: City Rag
Jodie Foster is peeing in the water: DL
Heather Mills is a liar: Hot Momma Gossip
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