KEY POINTS:
You can cancel the Academy Awards for next year, for there can clearly be only one triumphant thespian who will win all - Victoria Beckham.
Posh Spice's cameo on Ugly Betty has made its way to YouTube, and it's a spectacular work of art.
Watch in amazement as Posh radiates with all the warmth and sophistication of a block of splintered wood.
Again, I smell an Oscar...
Watch it here.
J-Lo: 'Yes, I'm pregnant!
Jennifer Lopez has been lamely attempting to hide her ladybump for months, but she's now finally confirmed what we already knew - she's pregnant.
The Latino songbird told Miami concertgoers last night: "Marc and I are expecting."
She continued: "This is a special time in our lives. And we waited until the last show to tell you."
Hubby Marc Anthony then crouched down and kissed her belly and said: "I did not expect her to say anything."
No details on the sex of the baby or when it's due.
Click here to watch J-Lo's announcement.
We're gonna have to ice skate home today, folks - hell just froze over!
I'm so glad J-Lo's got over her emotional stuntedness and come clean.
Her keeping mum was just preposterous - almost as hideous as those psychedelic tarpaulins she wore to shroud her expanding belly.
Busted Rourke
Mickey Rourke was done for DUI (Driving Under the Influence) in Miami yesterday.
But Rourke wasn't drunk in charge of a thundering sports car or manly Harley Davidson - he was riding a baby blue Vespa at the time.
Now that's what I call rock 'n' roll.
Rourke and an unidentified broad got on the mean machine after attending a party, and when he made a u-turn, he cut off a cop in the process.
The Palm Beach Post reports:
"They came back out two hours later and crossed Washington Avenue to go to his scooter," Montana said. "They both got on it, and he did a U-turn to go north. He was pulled over within a block.
"The cop says to him: 'You swerved right in front of me.' And Mickey answered: 'No, no, dude, I'm all right.'"
According to the arrest report, Rourke let slip an expletive or two, "What the f*** did I do?!"
Police say his face was flushed, his eyes bloodshot and his speech was also slurred. But despite that, Rourke claimed he was as sober as a saint.
"I'm not drunk, I didn't even drink that much," Rourke said, according to the report.
He's currently at the Miami-Dade Pre-trial Detention Center on a $1,000 bond.
No joke
Jack Nicholson has been moaning to anyone who'll listen about the fact that he wasn't considered for the role of The Joker in the upcoming Batman movie.
Producers of The Dark Knight opted for Aussie talent Heath Ledger instead, much to Nicholson's chagrin.
Nicholson, now 70, spoke to MTV about his annoyance.
"It's like, in any area, you can't believe the reasons things do or don't happen. Not asking me how to do the sequel is that kind of thing. Maybe it's not a mistake. Maybe it was the right thing, but to be candid, I'm furious.
"The Joker comes from my childhood. That's how I got involved with it in the first place. It's a part I always thought I should play."
Jack, you're too old for the part. Deal with it.
For fur's sake!
Sexpot Kim Cattrall was embroiled in another drama on the set of Sex and The City this week.
But her much-publicised feud with Sarah Jessica Parker had nothing to do with this particular drama - it was purely fiction.
*Spoiler alert*:In a scene from the upcoming film, Cattrall's character, Samantha, is accosted by an animal rights activist while wearing a fur coat.
Things get heated, and Sam is left covered in red paint.
Take a sneak peek at the scene here.
Meanwhile, Cattrall has blabbed about her reasons for signing on to do a movie version of the seminal series - the money.
She told Reveal magazine: "It will be nice to step into Samantha's shoes again, but I'm only doing it for the money.
"Samantha is very dear to me and I have such a wonderful time playing her, but I can say for experience than wanting financial security. We did it, we did it well. But it was always about the money."
Poison dwarf
Pint-sized singer Prince is letting his ego get out of hand - by banning his fansites from using pictures of him.
Prince/Symbol/The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As (or whatever the midget calls himself these days) has objected to said fansites publishing images which he claims are copyrighted.
However, his fansites are fighting back and saying that the content is user-generated and he has no claims over the material.
Never underestimate the power of little man syndrome.
Courtney no-Love
She's never happier than when she's slagging off a fellow celebrity and massaging her own hideous ego. But this time Courtney's overstepped the mark and made an enemy of the high priestess of bitch - Madonna.
In a rare moment of lucidity, the Lovester has awoken from her slumber and seen fit to wax lyrical and attack Madge, the most successful female artist of all time, about her lack of talent.
Courtney, three words: Pot. Kettle. Black.
The mullet-mouthed singer muses on her MySpace page:
"Ambition and sass and shrewd does not equal great art - hard work and major discipline doesn't equal great art and all of those are great things."
And who does she consider to be a great artist? Well, herself obviously.
"I have great discipline and I do work like a bionic thing," she modestly adds.
Get a room for you and your ego, Love.
Houston, we don't have a problem...
Remember Whitney Houston? Well, she's back.
She's currently working on her second comeback album and is committed to staying on the straight and narrow.
Her new-found sobriety, however, is reliant on her giving her good-timing ex, Bobby Brown, a wide birth.
Brown's allegedly been persistent with his attempts to woo Houston back. He's so deluded, he even thinks they'll get back together: "Whitney and me will get married again."
Aha. Hear that, Brown? That's the sound of your ex-wife guffawing and changing the house locks.
A mole tells me that Houston's family is warning her to dismiss any thoughts of reconciliation.
But they needn't worry, when Brown recently turned up at her front door, Houston reportedly slammed the door in his face quicker than you can say "crack is whack!"
Go, Houston. Admitting that your ex is an a-hole is the first step to emancipation.
Not a racist
Dog the Bounty Hunter appeared on Fox News this week and changed his explanation for his filthy racist rant from: "I was angry" to an even more inexcusable "I was using it the way black people use it."
Dog says he thought using the n word was acceptable - because he was cool enough to be able to use it when referring to the black community, brother-to-brother, like.
So he's cured! How marvelous. He's absolved of any responsibility for opening his potty mouth and spreading his evil, bigoted filth around the world.
Watch his interview here.
I'm a freak
Michael Jackson says he knows he has a reputation for being a bit of a freak - but he chooses to ignore it.
The 49-year-old singer embraces his inner-freak in the latest issue of Ebony magazine.
"I don't pay attention to it. In my opinion, it's ignorance. It's usually not based on fact. ... Every neighbourhood has the guy who you don't see, so you gossip about him.
"You see those stories about him, there's the myth that he did this or he did that. People are crazy!"
Jackson adorns the cover of the magazine to celebrate the 25th anniversary of hit album Thriller.
Looking decidedly airbrushed and, well, a whiter shade of pale, Jacko's appearance continues to scare the bejesus out of me.
Watch a video of his photoshoot here.
Boys will be boys
Whatever you do, don't sit next to George Clooney in a restaurant - things could get decidedly physical.
George Clooney and fashion model Fabio got carried away during a bitch-slapping session in a Los Angeles restaurant this week.
TMZ reports that Fabio and a group of women were dining together and a photographer he'd hired was taking photos of them, when Clooney, who was sat at the next table, took umbrage to having his photo taken.
Clooney saw red and gave the photographer the one finger salute.
And when Fabio approached Clooney to explain the snapper wasn't there for his benefit, things got physical.
See here.
I'm to blame
Britney Spears's mother has finally admitted that she thinks she's partly responsible for her daughter's plethora of problems.
"I blame myself," Lynne Spears said in a magazine interview. "What mother wouldn't?
"I wish I'd been there more while she was touring, But I couldn't be. I had the other kids to look after," she told Life Style Weekly.
"I didn't raise my children to have Hollywood careers. This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams became big headaches," she added.
This kind of candor just isn't Hollywood. She's either lying or has a book to promote...
Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World is set for release next May.
See you Monday, folks.
