The shows are glorious and trashy, the news provides at least one iconic blooper each year, but what may be the best thing about free-to-air TV is the very targeted Kiwi advertisements.
They’re catchy, humourous and the best kind of watercooler chat with your colleagues and sometimes they miss the mark completely. Resulting in cringy, irritating and ill-toned minute-long advertisements, there’s no doubt at least one ad has stuck in your mind for how terrible it was that it was actually good.
So, from Lily at Big Save Furniture, to Neat 3B’s chaffing commercial, here are the 10 ads in Kiwi history that are so bad, they’re good:
Airtime feels relatively safe at 6pm on a weeknight when you’re sitting down to eat your dinner in front of the TV. Well, except for in 2015 when the surprising Kleenex Cottonelle ad came on.
At first, it was intriguing and funny. Was it an ad for tissues? Baby wipes? All guesses were on the table. Lightly moistened flushable wipes aka. adult baby wipes were not on the bingo card. At least the kids had a giggle though.
Novus Auto Glass
Novus Glass, I see you, I respect you, and part of me kind of hates you, because this song has not left my head since I first heard it all those years ago.
If you’ve ever considered doing a marketing degree, don’t waste your money. This is everything you need to know about a creative marketing ploy that will stick in the minds of Kiwis for years to come. It’s catchy, it’s funny, it’s clever and it’s annoying, which is exactly why it has a spot on this list.
Neat 3B Action Cream
What’s ironic about this ad are the words “You don’t need to suffer”. Well, Neat 3B, I am suffering. I am suffering a lot.
The ad first hit our screens in 2004 and I think we can all agree when I say, it could have stayed there. Featuring cartoon breasts, thighs and even a gluteus maximus, the ad was created to advertise preventative sweat rash and chaffing cream but ultimately, made grandparents rush to cover the eyes of the innocent youths.
The Natural Confectionery Co.
If I was a little girl sitting in the back of Mum’s car with a bag of lollies jamming to my favourite song, I’m not going to lie, I would be absolutely thriving.
For some people, however, this 2020 ad may land a spot on the worst ever created. Maybe it’s the secondhand embarrassment you get, perhaps it’s because you don’t want to give into the marketing, or maybe the song just doesn’t tick your boxes. Whatever the reason, Natural Confectionary Co., you didn’t win the masses, but you may have won this list.
New Zealand ACC
Put your hand up if you were also extremely confused while watching this early 2000s ad. At first, it seemed like it was for a new fruit bar. So, of course, you’re interested. It looks delicious, you’re hungry, but then, disaster.
Without warning, the happy, bubbly mumma who we can only assume is named Linda or Deb, tumbles and smashes through a glass table. The music stops, the glass crackles beneath her and you hide your face in your hands because if they even think about showing her cut and bloody face it’s straight to the Advertising Standards Authority. While traumatising, it’s probably the most effective ad I’ve ever watched.
Snickers
I must give credit where credit is due. Whenever someone in your life is having an absolute meltdown, a little tiny part of you - kidding, a big part of you - wants to hand them a Snickers bar and say “You’re not you when you’re hungry”.
There’s no doubt the 2012 ad is iconic even if it is slightly bizarre. I can’t explain why, I just feel it deep in my soul but if I had to try I’d say, maybe it’s how he ate a Snickers and immediately eyed up a woman, or maybe it’s because Henry willingly signed up to something that portrays him as nasty, either way, it’s not the Mars brand’s best work.
Lotto
Okay, hear me out. It’s a great ad. It feels very on-brand for Lotto. From the working class punter to the win that makes your heart drop and flutter all at the same time. It’s truly a relatable journey - for those of you who are lucky enough to win the lottery.
But why does the 2019 ad have to be longer than a Christopher Nolan film? I know that is an exaggeration, but you could truly make a bag of popcorn, sit down and eat it before the ad is even finished which doesn’t work for us five-second attention span humans.
Big Save Furniture
She’s an icon, she’s a legend, and she is the moment. In the 2010s, Lily from Big Save Furniture ordered “too much stock”, had way too much coffee and is only on this list because it’s such a good marketing choice, that it’s bad.
As someone who also goes by the name Lily, I can confidently say, that the minute I tell someone my name they immediately think “Big Save Furniture”. I mean, give us a chance to be our own person. It’s truly unfair how much of a creative genius you are.
30 Seconds
You might have found your child to be unintentionally problematic when they first saw this ad in 2009. After seeing it, chances are they screamed “spray and walk away” in an Asian accent at the top of their lungs for weeks. No matter how many times you told them to stop, they probably didn’t. Which is why the ad quickly gained backlash from the Asian community.
Many raised concerns with the Advertising Standards Authority that it was derogatory and racist but the actor himself, Ming-Jen Huang, believed it in no way undermined or offended the Asian community. Either way, feels like it should have a spot on this list.
McDonald’s
The message is on point, the animation is brilliant (for 2003), and the tune is so catchy it will stay in your head even to this day. But, I’m running out of commercials to have qualms with so in the essence of being a stereotypical Karen, McDonalds, you’re it.
It feels completely off-brand for a fast-food restaurant even if it does make me buckle up before I go get myself a six-pack of nuggets.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
