Some major questions need to be answered by bosses at TVNZ and Sky TV. Photo/Brett Phibbs
Some major questions need to be answered by bosses at TVNZ and Sky TV. Photo/Brett Phibbs
Some strange decisions are being made at our biggest TV networks, and Paul Casserly isn't happy with them.
The bean counters at TVNZ and Sky TV are at it again.
They've axed the Heartland channel, they've mucked around with Coronation Street, they accepted Jim Hickey's letter of resignation, they enabled Hosking, and ... and ... and ... now they want to do away with the best local comedy we have ever had?
WTF TVNZ?
We should have seen it coming when they brought in 'accelerated flow', that thing where you don't know the show has ended and you are suddenly watching a promo for some other show. My mother has been known to emit the 's' word at these moments, although inattention due to knitting is also party to blame.
Now the credits don't match the pictures and the scroll of show info is now in a tiny box off to the side of the screen, rendering the small joy TV crews get when people see their names on a show. Aunty Flo will no longer know about your makeup skills, camera skills or catering contribution, she will be looking at some murder porn about a serial killer that's inevitably coming up tomorrow night.
This all kills the mood that has been carefully crafted by the director, ending a show with just the right cut, with just the right music, leaving you to soak up the drama as the credits roll. Like a ciggie after sex, or an ahhhhhhh after a sip of beer. Or that sense of relief you feel when you wake up and realise it was only a dream and you haven't run amok in Westfield with a chainsaw taking out infidels and helping yourself to non-sale items at Cotton On, but nothing would fit!
That joy is now gone. Ruined, bean counted into extinction. You can still savour such moments on cable shows: Mad Men, for instance, which recently played David Bowie to great effect at the end of an episode reminding us that we are in the 1970s despite Don's Brylcreemed barnet.
But I concede, I'm a hardliner when it comes to the end of shows, I even hate previews of the next week's episode, and grab the remote like a psycho. I admit a fondness for those production company and distributer logos. Older readers might remember those immortal words "Sit, Ubu, sit." Yes I get off to the 20th Century Fox jingle, the MGM Lion, the gong of J Arthur Rank.
Speaking of such cultural vandalism, and getting eventually to my grizzle, TVNZ are once again making disturbing rumbles, with the wink of encouragement from Minister of Everything, Steven Joyce. In short they can't be arsed showing those opening night party political broadcasts that mark the start of election time.
They don't like them cause they rate like shit, but they will play them if everyone else has to. Which is more like dealing with a nine-year-old than a state owned enterprise. My god, call yourselves a public broadcaster, do you? Not really, they would say. The charter was torn up years ago and now TVNZ's mission is to get maximum viewers and return some cash to the government. They are doing a pretty good job of that, you'd have to say, if you counted beans for LOLs.
I may be in a minority - hang on, I'll just check, yes I am - but I love the party political broadcasts. I watch them religiously. These epics of narcissistic power seeking are generally from the 'how not to make TV' school of broadcasting, but they are, instructive or just bloody funny.
I still think about Colin Craig's room full of stunned looking cadavers that featured in his spooky short film last year.
It haunts me like a heavy Russian movie, like Leviathan, which means it must be art.
And spare a thought for the struggling production companies that make the things - this is often their finest hour, and bear in mind that many multi million dollar dramas we fund with the dreaded 'public purse' don't actually rate any better. The party political broadcasts are a window into the minds of our leaders. They represent unintentional comedy of the highest order. They reveal that just like the rest of us, our politicians are gormless, funny, and human.
TVNZ, you passed on Flight of The Conchords, don't let this one slip through your fingers too.
Supplementary gripe: Sky TV: re price hike.
As for Sky, I now know to dread those letters that begin with the words "Thanks for being such a loyal customer" because I know what is coming next.
Much like a shart, you hope the letter won't contain the details of a price hike, but upon checking there's definitely something in your undies that just shouldn't be there.
