I attended a fancy dress party on the weekend, and yes there was a Suarez, and yes, he also denied biting people. The theme was Dirtbags, Disasters and Dynasty.
Summing up June with those three words would probably include the infamous Uruguayan hothead/dirtbag. There's a terrible disaster unfolding in Iraq that makes us look back fondly on an actual dirtbag called Saddam. For Dynasty - well, there's our glorious leader, Mr Key.
His three term Reich seems assured thanks in part to the mysterious Mr Liu, who is probably not a dirtbag, but has proved somewhat of a disaster for the Labour party. Two political sayings come to mind: "Explaining is losing" and, "A week is a long time in politics". Only 11 to go now.
In the meantime let's celebrate and eviscerate the words that have spilled forth from our TV people in the past month. See if you can guess the authors.
1. "Didn't he go out with Liz Hurley?" ... suggested a slightly dim contestant on TV One's Millionaire Hot Seat of Mohamed Al-Fayed, the elderly owner of Harrods and father of Princess Diana's boyfriend Dodi.
2. "Who is going to book a room in a rape/murder hotel?" A good point well made by Norma Bates on Bates Motel to her son, Norman, when he suggested calling the cops after she murdered a man who had attacked her.
3. "Jobs was a poser who didn't even write code." Said Richard Hendricks (Thomas Middleditch) of tech-based comedy Silicon Valley, after being quizzed about which "Steve" he preferred. He picked the other Apple founder, Steve Wozniak, for the above reason.
4. "They have their own flavour of bullshit over there." The brilliantly direct kiwi film director Geoff Murphy on his time in the movie business in LA. This was during an interview on Sunday in which he also suggested that "we should be careful that we don't turn him into a saint" in regards to Sir Peter Jackson.
5. "Good job," said a cleaner on One News after hearing that John Banks was forced to quit parliament after being found guilty of filing a false electoral return. This meant that government lost his vote, thus scuttling planned legislation cutting tea breaks and other favourable conditions for cleaners.
6. "That's the equivalent of needing a baby sitter and hiring a dingo."
John Oliver on Last Week Tonight on Obama appointing a leading industry lobbyist as head of the FCC (Federal Communications Commission). Tom Wheeler used to work for the giant communications company Comcast - the biggest spender on lobbying aside from military giant Northrop Drummond. Even better was footage from a congressional hearing in which the John Oliver item was directly referred to, with Wheeler saying in his defence: "I would like to state for the record that I am not a dingo."
7. "I call it mother in law's lipstick." A doctor on Campbell Live in reference to the superglue used to cover wounds created by a new procedure to install heart monitors.
8. "If someone is prepared to take off all their clothes and go in the middle of a crowded stadium, you've got to give them a little bit of respect." The response to the streaker who was solidly tacked in Dunedin, from The Crowd's Gone Wild's Andrew Mulligan was in marked contrast to Mike Hosking's "If you stand naked in a field you deserve everything you get."
9. "If behind every beard there was wisdom, then goats would be prophets." Sage words from an Armenian gangster on Riatlo's Braquo, the French crime series that makes the Shield look like Little House on The Prairie.
10. "He acts humble in front of people but in the changing room he's always taking his top off and looking at himself in the mirror." Hurricane's player Cory Jane with the inside word on fellow winger Julian Savea.
* What were your favourite moments from June's televisual offerings? Post below...
