2. "It feels like flies crawling all over me," said Charlene, the woman who tried to detox from booze on Campbell Live in Natasha Utting's moving story in four parts. Sadly the last episode revealed that Charlene had relapsed.
3. "Dangerous, loud, and smelly." Nothing to do with Mr Dotcom or the eel, instead it's how David Attenborough described a shag colony on one of his Natural World shows that seemed to be on an endless loop on Tuesday nights on TV One, not that anyone's complaining.
4. "Oh my god, you have camel toe." That's what Jaime Ridge said as she came across a decade-old snap of mum Sally in tight pants while flicking through a pile of hag-rags (New Idea, Woman's Day, etc). Other shockers included Matthew Ridge shirtless and Adam Parore witless.
5. "Show us your tits." You can hear the Australian accent can't you? The show is Underbelly Badness and boy did they deliver. When it comes to soft porn in prime time our western cousins are truly gifted.
6. "Maoris aren't meant to fly." Martin Crowe infamously suggested that Maori weren't suited to test cricket due to short attention spans or some such nonsense. But as far as I know he has not passed judgement on their aeronautical attributes. The quote in question was from a Maori dude who was one of the grateful, yet shaken, customers of the brilliant free medical flights run by Air Angels, as profiled on TV1's Sunday by Phil Vine.
7. "But what about the pet hair you can't see?" There's always something new to worry about but luckily, in the land of infomercials, there's always a new product to help. In this case it's a 'special' vacuum cleaner that deals to stuff you didn't know you needed to worry about. Sadly, there's no one new to sell these things so Suzanne Paul is currently peddling this amazing innovation in the wee hours.
8. "The correct response to a stupid film on YouTube is to say it's a stupid film on YouTube and get on with your life." That was Salman Rushdie's response to that moronic anti-Muslim film that sent all those people off the deep end. Rushdie, you may recall, wrote the supposedly blasphemous Satanic Verses, hence the fatwa that forced him into hiding for nearly a decade. Good to see he still champions the notion of free speech. I like that in a blasphemer.
9. "These koftas are not looking good." Salman Rushdie wasn't so happy with the koftas offered to him at the greenroom at CNN. "They were as dry as camel's balls," said the great author, going for the Burger Rings instead. Nah, just japes, that's actually Thomas from My Kitchen Rules just before he and Carla got the boot. The promos for the show talked him up as "the most hated man in New Zealand" but in the end we all just felt a little sorry for him, even as we enjoyed his tantrums. He's certainly one of the more entertaining reality stars of the year, along with the cast of The GC, the Ridge rat and that "Ching Chong" girl from NZGT.
10. "As far as I'm concerned, that bouquet in your hand may as well be a wreath." A wedding on Coronation Street always means trouble, and so it was when Peter Barlow told blushing bride Leanne that he wasn't cool with her shagging Nick, her simpering ex who's a strange combination of meercat and sex offender.
If you guessed 1 - 7 correctly you're an infidel, over 7 and you're obviously part of the GCSB.
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