Paul Casserly: 'It was like a light going off' TV's best quotes

Michael Laws had his own light-bulb moment while he was commenting on the Prodigy song "Smack My Bitch Up". Photo / Wanganui Chronicle

Well perhaps "best quotes" is a bit misleading, but here's what I jotted down during the month of March. Some are indeed words of wisdom, some are witty but others are just cries for help. But can you guess who said them? (Warning: May contain the thoughts of former New Zealand First MPs)

1. "I feel inspiriated."

2. "You are lower than snake shit's shadow."

3. "You have to have bad news to make good news."

4. "So many cats, so many recipes."

5. "I see an homage to the menstrual cycle."

6. "Everything is gone. My brother's bed, my brother's dresser, my brother's TV. My brother is gone."

7. "Somebody dies, I can't say who."

8. "It was like a light going off."

9. "If you want to know why Black America is like it is, well ..."

10. "Swinging is a bit more prevalent on the North Shore of Auckland."

Answers:

1. "I feel inspiriated." Said the blond lady who likes to dress in pink, on the hit food porno, My Kitchen Rules.

2. "You are lower than snake shit's shadow." This from the angry motorist caught by Mr Clout the car-clamper, as seen on 3rd Degree. The woman went ape-shit at Mr Clout, clouting him with her handbag and pointing out the obvious, "you are in the shit now." Someone else yelled, "I'm going to ring the media on you."

3. "You have to have bad news to make good news." Observed the flinty news editor Randall Brown (Peter Capaldi) on British period drama The Hour.

4. "So many cats, so many recipes." Not Gareth Morgan, it was in fact one of the brilliantly funny panelists on QI, Sandi Toksvig. The comedian recently came under attack for saying of Kate Milddleton: "I can't think of a single opinion she holds - it's very Jane Austen."

5. "I see an homage to the menstrual cycle." I guess judge Michael Kors, didn't like the dress on Project Runway then.

6. "My brother's bed, my brother's dresser, my brother's TV. My brother is gone." The brother of the man taken by the sinkhole. in Florida, on CNN, describing the awful scene as it unfolded.

7. "Somebody dies, I can't say who." William Roache (Ken) from Coronation Street gives away a plot development that kiwi viewers will see in about 18 months time. He was standing in front of a burnt-out Rovers Return with Sunday's Garth Bray at the time. And what a weird interview it was, as Roache appeared to blame the victims of sex crimes. Stranger still, his apparent belief in past lives and reincarnation. Imagine coming back as Ken Barlow?

8. "It was like a light going off." Brendon Horan on Native Affairs describing the moment he decided to join New Zealand First after finding out "what they stood for". The reverse light-bulb moment should have been a sign, but Horan who is now thrashing about in the political darkness, seems oblivious to such omens.
Later, during a panel discussion, Sandra Lee summed up the sort of people who joined NZ First: "Politically naïve and opportunistic."

9. "If you want to know why Black America is like it is, well ..."
Former talkback host and former NZ First MP Michael Laws had his own light-bulb moment while he was commenting on the Prodigy song "Smack My Bitch Up". The track in question had been used by "so-called current affairs show Seven Sharp" during a story on domestic violence. Laws was undeterred when a caller pointed out that the Prodigy's singer, Keith Flint, is a white guy. "Yeah, but it's a Black sort of music".

10. "Swinging is a bit more prevalent on the North Shore of Auckland."
The Benny Hill of cricket commentary, Mark Richardson, on day 4 of the great test against England, lamenting the lack of swing at Eden Park.