KEY POINTS:
The award for weirdest showbiz story of the day has to go to oddball couple Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne.
Contactmusic.com reports that the pair has agreed on a suicide pact - so they can face their mortality and kick the bucket, as it were, at the same time.
Matriarch Sharon, who plays wifey to Ozzy as well as being his long-suffering manager, has revealed that they can't live without each other, and so have chosen to go to the grave together.
She explains, "Whatever it was, where you know you're going to die, we would want to choose the time where we want to leave.
"I would go with my old man, and he would come with me... (Fortunately) my husband is better than ever, health-wise."
Curiously, Shazza says death will have to wait until at least 2012 - saying that she can't possibly contemplate doing herself in "in the next five years".
In other Osbourne news...
Shazza's legendary feud with potty mouth Courtney Love has been conspicuously quiet of late, and there's good reason for it - the spat has gone legal.
Osbourne allegedly accused Love of introducing her then-teenage son Jack to drugs, which led to "a really, really ugly situation" and culminated with the reality TV star checking into rehab.
Love has publicly lambasted Shazza's comments, claiming that she is most definitely not responsible for Jack's drug habit.
Osbourne says, "It's kind of got to the point where it's now in legal hands, so we can't talk about it, because it's gone to that stage."
Drugs, and bitch-slaps and insults, oh my!
Ok, hold on a cotton-picking minute...the celebrity news cauldron has obviously had a bowl of crazy for breakfast this morning.
My moles tell me that triumphant beauty pageant Miss Puerto might have concocted the tale about having her sartorial wares pepper-sprayed.
Then, news emerges that the Hogans could be faking their divorce to divert unwanted media attention from their son's automobile misdemeanor.
But the best bit of juicy gossip has to be the rumour that Marie Osmond completely faked her fainting spell on Dancing with the Stars earlier this month.
A source reports to TMZ that Marie hired an on-set writer who fed her lines while on the show, and allegedly fed her lines after she got up after her melodramatic dizzy spell.
The source also says that Marie is on the hunt for a man, and a rich one at that (honey, get in line!). She's currently divorcing her second husband.
Was Marie's fainting spell a cleverly orchestrated bit of fakery? Or did she really hit the deck out of "exhaustion"? You decide.
Yankee drawl withdrawal
Goldenballs football legend David Beckham says he's far from happy that his kids are slowly adopting American accents.
The Mirror reports that Beckham, who moved to LA earlier this year to join the LA Galaxy football team, said:
"They sound as if they are from London - and that is how I want them to sound - but they are getting little parts of an American accent.
"Romeo keeps saying 'Awesome' a lot, 'Awesome, awesome'."
Becks was interviewed by UK TV show This Morning, who also quizzed him about his choice of underwear.
He admitted: "Used to be boxers, but now it is Y-fronts!"
The most famous footballer in history also claimed to still get shy and starstruck when he spots famous people in LA.
He said: "You don't want to look but you can't help it. I'm always starstruck by famous people."
Source: Mirror.co.uk
Joker revealed
Aussie actor Heath Ledger is on the cover of Empire Magazine's January 2008 issue - but not as himself.
Empire has the first exclusive pic of Ledger in full-on Joker guise, and the end result is promising.
We'll have to wait until July 2008 to see how Ledger's take on the Joker maps out, but until then we can drink in the early promo.
Bond charges dropped
Former Bond star Pierce Brosnan was allegedly involved in a scuffle with a cameraman in Malibu last October.
The Cameraman informed the law, and a police investigation ensued.
However, the District Attorney's office from the L.A. County has just announced they could not find sufficient evidence to file a battery charge against Pierce.
TMZ reports:
"Los Angeles County prosecutors have decided NOT to file any criminal charges against actor Pierce Brosnan, who allegedly got into a scuffle with a photographer in Malibu last month. The District Attorney's office found that there was insufficient evidence to pursue a battery charge against the former 'James Bond' actor."
Spice is flight
There really is no end to the Spice Girls' lame attempts to generate publicity.
The girls are now asking their fan(s) to name their world tour jet in an online poll.
Current options on their website include: Spice One, Girl Power and Spice Girl.
Wow, I bet some serious brain-drain went into conjuring up those inspiring and innovative names.
And the prize? The winner will be jetted out to LA to meet the pop muppets.
My advice if you win: Take the flight, ditch the meet 'n' greet.
Fast gossip
* Britney Spears driving like a lunatic: WWTDD
* Hayden Panatroll covers up: Popsugar
* Celebrity dolls that failed: CityRag
* Gwen Stefani shows off her legs: Popoholic
* Indiana Jones 4 movie stills: Just Jared
* Tyra Banks is bald: Hollywood Rag
* Hot Terminator action: Popbytes
