This year, so far, has been a multi-layered lesson in how to be old in 2023.
First, don’t call yourself old. Second, keep on doing what you’ve always done, but with more supportive shoes. Third, take your hair very, very seriously.
It was wall-to-wall septuagenarian artists at Glastonbury –Elton (76) of course, Chrissie Hynde (71), Debbie Harry (78 today), Cat Stevens (74) – but it’s not just old rockers who are rewriting the rules, and they’re by no means all an inspiration, either.
Here’s everything you need to know (so far) about ageing well in the current climate – and a few things that you’re better off avoiding.
Elton’s position is: “I’m not bothered about looking young; I’m just carrying on.”
His gold lamé Glastonbury suit was a reminder that it’s fine to wear what you’ve always worn, providing your signature look was not flesh-revealing or tight – and so long as you still look like yourself.
Were Elton to turn up in skinny jeans and a leather jacket, that would be bad, but a gold suit, in Elton’s world, is smart-casual and totally appropriate even on a 76-year-old with mobility issues.
You could argue that rock stars are not the best examples to take inspiration from, but the principle “keep calm and carry on” holds good for civilians, too.
Anna Wintour (73) has the same look she’s had for decades – right down to the monkey bob – and because it’s hers and there are never any midriff cut-outs or knees on show, no one questions it.
Lesson one: maintain your look if reasonable.
Mumsy hair
Glastonbury fans all have the same complaint about Axl Rose as Guns N’ Roses perform at festival for the first time https://t.co/yaKGw4FblB
Can we talk about Axl Rose of Guns N’ Roses’ hair? Axl is a mere 61, but his hair – short and fluffy, like a Henry V plus Sun-In and a blow-dry – was a shocker.
Good hair is the key to ageing well, and even the very rich and famous and otherwise well turned-out have got it wrong in the past.
If you’re a man, you don’t want to dye it (remember when Paul McCartney used to?) unless you’ve got amazingly good signature hair and the dye is peroxide (see Billy Idol).
If you’re a woman, you must spend all your money post-60 on blow-dries that don’t look like blow-dries (the stiff and starchy sort make everyone look like Barbara Bush).
If you have thinning hair, you need to cut it very short and make sure you are fit as a butcher’s dog (e.g. Sting). Axl’s hair looks to us like a transplant. It has that “I am hair, just not on the right person or in the right place” look.
Another example from this year’s Glastonbury is the not-that-old Brandon Flowers (42), whose airbrushed appearance and giant, Max Headroom-white teeth received a lot of comments on the night.
This was a significant moment for the How to Get Old experiment, because broadly, we’re all at the point when we think looking old and haggard beats a tweaked Brandon face every time.
Meanwhile, female celebrities (who have been at this for longer) are trampling over each other in their rush to condemn themselves for ever having fiddled with their faces, so the liner is officially in reverse thrust.
Lesson three: tweak away if you can get away with it, but we’re not happy with the biltong varnished look.
How to be hot
Sting is fit. Macrobiotic diet and hot yoga fit. Very rich and very toned and I-only-eat-what-I-grow fit.
Conveniently, Sting has just popped up on the radar (exiting the sea in almost transparent white trunks) and there it is for all to see – the astonishing new face of septuagenarian man (he’s 71).
Sting is fit. Macrobiotic diet and hot yoga fit. Very rich and very toned and I-only-eat-what-I-grow fit. He looks better (less scribbled on) than David Beckham and if he still had his hair – which we do miss a bit, because it was good hair – he would look 50ish in old money.
This confirms the fourth rule of ageing: aim for looking 20 years younger, fitness-wise, than the fittest celebrities did 20 years ago.
How to behave
It’s like Paul McCartney, isn’t it? Don’t try to be cooler than you are. Don’t alter your appearance. Be interested in new things (his first photography exhibition has just opened at the National Portrait Gallery).
Wear dark glasses if you’re feeling a bit tired. Have a GSOH, if possible, and try to look on the bright side rather than, say, focusing on your sleepless night or someone taking your favourite mug.
It is worth pointing out the obvious, which is that getting old looks different if you are a) healthy and b) prepared to watch the sunrise at 81.
Lesson five: don’t get set in your ways and be fun.
Refuse to be pigeonholed
You could put jumpsuit-wearing Queen Camilla in this category.
Or Bill Wyman (let’s not). But the message couldn’t be clearer all round: you can be David Attenborough old (distinguished and unstoppable); Judi Dench old (adorable but naughty granny); Blondie old (bad and naughty granny); Cher old or the Princess Royal old.
Either way, old is looking slightly different every day, and you can’t afford to sit under a tree with a tartan rug on your knees anymore.
* Shane Watson is a columnist for the Daily Telegraph
