KEY POINTS:
Just when it appeared as though all our prayers had been answered, Britney Spears won't be skipping her way merrily to rehab (again).
Despite reports that she was about to check herself in for treatment at Eric Clapton's Crossroads Centre in Antigua, her reps are telling celebrity news website The Insider that she's definitely not lining herself up for a stint in rehab.
The rehab rumours started when OK Magazine reported that Britney was heading for therapy this weekend, but it appears that was all a load of baloney.
In some ways I wish the rehab rumours had been true, for I sincerely want this woman out of my life and out of my blog!
In other Britney news...
God knows why Britters was a no-show at her children's custody hearing in court this week, whatever it was it didn't stop her from pulling off ridiculous stunts like this.
On the night she was ordered to hand her sprogs back to waste-of-space Kevin Federline, Britney was spotted jumping into a paparazzo's car with her shady pal Sam Lufti.
They should have driven her derriere straight to rehab.
Britney: If you're reading this, get yourself some help and sort your shambolic life out.
We're so over your downfall, already.
Liz's howler
Elizabeth Taylor's philanthropic tendencies are legendary.
Every year the crippled legend holds a lavish AIDS awareness ball in Los Angeles to raise money for this worthy cause.
Well this year she excelled herself.
Following the event's pattern over previous years, Liz was carted before her public in a wheelchair and put on display like some freaky circus exhibit.
The eight times married corpse was asked by a journalist if she was planning to marry her male companion, and that's when Liz lost it.
Instead of batting her eyelids demurely and feigning ignorance, Liz went mental.
"Married!!!!"
You could argue that her oddball behaviour was for the paparazzo's benefit, but I scarcely believe that to be true.
I defy you not to watch this clip and get totally freaked out. It scared the bejesus out of me.
The words "Now I'm gonna howl..." still haunt me.
You can't tell me that this woman isn't tugging on the Grim Reaper's blackened cloak?
If you ask me, I think she died about 20 years ago. What we're seeing here is a cryogenically frozen Liz that's had her brain tampered with...Or she could be a short-circuiting, ageing fembot. How very Stepford Wives of her.
Which ever it is, she's clearly no longer with the living.
Way too much sex...
Unless you've been living under a rock for the past week, you'll know that the Sex and the City publicity machine has been working in overdrive.
If you ask me, I think they've created a monster.
The internet is awash with plot spoilers and photos from the upcoming movie release of the girls' martini-sipping, bed hopping exploits.
Photos surfaced this week of Carrie in a hideous wedding dress. If this is a bonafide plot within the movie, the execs should have made a better effort to keep the details under wraps.
I refuse to accept that Carrie et al would commit such sartorial sin. Their outfits looked too vile to be believed.
It must be a dream sequence within the film or something. Here's what I think:
Do you sincerely believe that sexpot Samantha would even be caught dead in such a turn-off of a dress? Talk about being a meringue nightmare.
It's all a dream plot, or a hideous nightmare
The photos are decoys to throw us plot-bloodhounds off the scent.
The producers have filmed alternate endings for the film
Let's reserve judgement until the film is released.
Bite sized news and gossip...
Brangelina ready for more
Bradley Pitt loves fatherhood so much he wants to get jiggy with his wife Angelina Jolie and create another sprog. The couple has decided it's time to expand the clan and will get straight to it once the time is right. I think they secretly see themselves as the Waltons. Happy breeding, guys.
Bovine Moss
Supermodel Kate Moss amused guests at a recent lunch by chewing incessantly way before any food had hit the table. A fellow diner noticed her oddball behaviour and reach over to offer her a piece of chewing gum, "Have some gum. It'll stop you from gurning."
"I don't gurn!" protested Moss, before turning her back on her companions and proceeding to chew her own cheeks.
Malting Jude
Actor Jude Law appears to be growing what looks like a ladygarden on his forehead.
Seal of disapproval
Former pop star Seal drove past Britney's courtroom and thought the awaiting paparazzi were there for him. Watch here.
Loser Lohan
Rehab Queen Lindsay Lohan has been forced to stay in rehab because she failed a mandatory drug test. Australian magazine New Weekly is reporting that Lohan's blood was found to be made up of oodles of cocaine. What a dingbat.
Pammy cuts Rock
Pamela Anderson is said to be furious with ex-hubby Kid Rock's implication that she never suffered a miscarriage last year. Surely she wouldn't lie about such a thing? If so, you're going straight to hell, Pammy.
See you Monday, folks.
