KEY POINTS:
Actor Orlando Bloom can breathe a sigh of relief - the Los Angeles District Attorney won't be filing charges against him for the minor car crash earlier this month.
Bloomie told police he was forced to swerve his car after being chased by paparazzi in the early hours of October 12. When a paparazzo cut in front of him, Bloom swerved into two parked cars, injuring his two passengers.
Jane Robinson, a spokeswomen for the Los Angeles District Attorney's office, said that there was "insufficient evidence" to prosecute Bloom for the accident.
Website TMZ says the D.A.'s Charge Evaluation Worksheet states that Bloomie "walked approximately 60 feet from the scene in an apparent attempt to avoid paparazzi's continued pursuit." The D.A. maintains that Bloom was not D.U.I. but was dazed.
Watch Orlando's antics before the crash occurred.
Take That star injured
Take That star Howard Donald has been admitted to hospital with a collapsed lung after a stage stunt went horribly wrong.
British tabloid The Sun reports that the 39-year-old singer was performing a complex dance move on stage in Milan, Italy when the injury occurred last week.
Reports indicate that Howard came a cropper after dazzling the concert crowd with a gravity-defying back flip and crotch-ripping splits.
To his credit, Howard struggled through the remainder of the concert, but was admitted to hospital when the tour bus arrived in Vienna the following day.
Word has it that Howard could be out of action for at least two weeks.
A source said: "Howard is devastated. He's never missed a show in his career and is a total professional. He told the band he'd ignore doctors' orders and struggle through. But they told him his health must come first."
The rest of the band have had to frantically re-organise the concert's running order as Howard sings lead vocals on two songs.
The source added: "It puts strain on them. But they're very disciplined and will get through."
Owen Wilson speaks...
But ultimately says naff all about his alleged suicide attempt. Watch his first interview since that incident of which we do not speak here.
Potty mouth
I really wanted to kick-start the week without mentioning the train wreck that is Britney, but her latest exploits need to be outed.
Brit Brit was in court on Friday, and she was at her trailer-trash best behaviour.
During a break in proceedings she reportedly ducked to the bathroom at least three times to adjust her hair and change sunglasses (as you do - vanity in the face of adversity, and all that).
Things apparently went awry when Brit was subjected to the parenting coach's negative report about her dismal parenting skills.
Extra is reporting that when an USmagazine.com reporter later asked the petulant one how the court proceedings were going, she shouted, "Eat it, lick it, snort it, f**k it!" and legged it into the courtroom bawling her eyes out. Classic.
What fabulously wise words, Britney.
Bang goes another poptart with a serious case of celebrity tourettes...
In other explosive Britney news...
Brit's ex-hubby K-Fed says he's terrified that Britney will kill herself and harm their kids.
That's what his girlfriend Nicole Narain claims in an interview with the News of The World, anyway.
Federline has never spoken publicly about his relationship with Brit, but Narain claims that he's confided in her about his heartache.
During the interview, Narain claims that Federline:
* Caught Britney breast-feeding son Jayden, one, while drunk on vodka
* Thinks her wild and erratic behaviour has "damaged" Jayden and two-year-old Sean
* Warned Britney to stop leaving the kids by the swimming pool and driving without a seatbelt
* Thinks Britney is bisexual after she allegedly made a pass at Nicole in the toilet
Narain claims that it was Britney's intoxicated breastfeeding that forced Federline to opt out of their tumultuous relationship - the girl on girl bit he could handle, apparently.
How debauched and tacky.
Unsexy Sex star
It's the ultimate insult: Sarah Jessica Parker has been voted the Unsexiest Woman alive.
The Sex and The City actress was given the unenviable honour in an online poll organised by blokey website Maxim.com. Click here to see who else was named in the Five Unsexiest Women Alive list.
Fag bag
We brought you the eye-poppingly cringe worthy video of former Atomic Kitten star Kerry Katona behaving badly last week, now we bring you more.
The woman with a face not too dissimilar to a pit-bull chewing a wasp has been disgracing TV screens in the UK while flogging her ego-tripping autobiography. But that's not all...
While being interviewed by Sky News, the cocky singer remained defiant when quizzed about her penchant for smoking while pregnant.
She said: "I'll admit I'll have a puff on a cigarette and put it straight out," claiming her stints in rehab have given her the strength and willpower to just say no.
"I probably can give up, but I haven't. My doctor told me it would be more stressful to give up now than to have one or two."
Yes, Katona is four months pregnant and still puffing away like a steamer.
Child = doomed.
Da Vinci bore
Director Ron Howard is clearly a glutton for punishment.
Despite the critical panning celluloid turkey The Da Vinci Code endured, the Happy Days star has signed on to direct the prequel.
Based on another self-indulgent and, frankly, dull book by author Dan Brown, called Angels and Demons, the film goes into production in February 2008.
Serial Oscar winner Tom Hanks has agreed to reprise his role as the odd-coiffed academic on the hunt for artefacts and decent dialogue.
Oh, and if you don't want to know what happens in the new flick, look away now:
The goodie is actually a baddie, and the bloke you thought was dead is actually alive. Word has it that after jumping from an exploding plane he uses his coat as a parachute and lands in a river just in the nick of time to defuse a bomb that's been cunningly planted under the Vatican.
I kid you not. You may need to suspend your disbelief when this unwanted prequel arrives in 2009.
More info here.
Selfish Spice
Notoriously ill-tempered Posh Spice has allegedly infuriated staff at shopping Mecca, Barneys New York - because of her diva-like demands.
US Weekly magazine reports that Victoria Beckham, 33, has got into the habit of buying large quantities of designer outfits at the store, but then returning them - after she's had them altered to fit her waif-like figure.
A source told Us Weekly magazine: "She buys so much in every department.
"But she demands it all be special-ordered. And then she returns tons of it and they can't put her altered clothes on the sales floor!"
Barneys maintain that they have "heard nothing of the sort."
Posh: Fashion guru or fashion victim?
A mole tells me she apparently has a 23" waist, which is equivalent to that of a seven-year-old. Surely that can't be healthy?
Chuck her a burger, someone!
Fast gossip
* Sacha Baron Cohen is being sued again for the Borat movie: Dlisted
* Stephen Fry admits to cocaine use: Dailysnack
* Jordan wants to be Barbie: Hollywood Rag
* Benicio Del Toro is a wolf: Cityrag
* Paris isn't going to Rwanda: Dlisted
* Cybil Shepherd digs for gold: Socialitelife
* Naomi Campbell throws a tanty at the airport: Derek Hail
* Heidi Klum could use some make-up: PopSugar
* What is that thing draped around Sharon Stone's neck? CDL
