As seasoned festival-goers, we’ve got the feather-ruffling opinions ready just in time for your roadie.
Here’s what your favourite Kiwi festival says about you:
Rhythm and Vines
You’re either between the ages of 18 and 21, deep in the good old days and rushing to buy a tent from The Warehouse because planning is so lame - you’d rather live in the moment. Or, you’re fresh on the cusp of 38 and not ready to change the tradition you started in uni. You know Hamish Pinkham on a “Yo Hamo” basis and party at his bach before heading into the vines.
You’re a little bit basic with three pairs of jorts in your Country Road bag but refuse to drink popular RTDs because that’s a line you simply won’t cross. You go into the festival fresh and leave with a newfound love for that guy your parents love, what’s his name? Dave Dobbyn? You’ll inevitably end off the experience by spending the drive back feeling ill in the back of your mate’s Suzuki Swift and posting an array of pictures on Instagram captioned “Take me back to the Vines” when the thought itself makes you hurl even more.
Rolling Meadows
How do you know you’re at home at the Canterbury-based festival? R.M. Williams. Everywhere. You love D’n’B, have a full tattoo sleeve on your arm that likely has a tiger, a female face, a skull, flowers and that hilarious illegible symbol that you drunkenly got in Thailand. Your drink of choice is a Jim Beam bourbon and Coke but, look, if you had to dabble you’ll probably give an RTD a go - in your Speights beer cooler of course so no one can tell what you’re drinking.
You’ll inevitably have one meltdown over the New Year period, whether it be regarding your Rodd & Gunn hat getting stolen in the mosh or your friends making fun of you for wearing skinny jeans in summer - but what do they know? As for accommodation, you’ve got it sussed with your rooftop tent on top of your Toyota Hilux. This isn’t your first rodeo - literally and metaphorically, something you’ll remind people of multiple times.
Northern Base
You’ve done the whole R’n’V thing, been dumped on the iconic hill, lost your voice for the past three New Years and decided to slow things down by jumping in your Mazda Axela and heading in the opposite direction this year. Some may say you’re running away from your problems but, in all honesty, you’re just running away from your toxic ex who gyms regularly at F45 and sends ‘u up?’ texts on a Tuesday.
Probably in your mid-20s, you can afford to hire an Airbnb but don’t bother since your sister’s boyfriend’s cousin has a bach. Now a seasoned festival-goer, you know to bring a Cotton On clip-on hand sanitiser because those portaloos smell even worse than Rotorua.
Twisted Frequency
You went to university in Wellington, studied politics but decided that wasn’t your journey and now you are just out in the world trying to find your way. You flew into Christchurch severely underestimating how far away Upper Tākaka is and don’t know how your mate’s 1998 Toyota Corolla will make the trip there and back but somehow you’re more chill about it than Matty McLean was after dropping the F-bomb live on air.
Every time someone asks what you’re doing for New Year you start the sentence with “Twisted” and end it with “Frequencybutyou’veprobablyneverheardofit” and you don’t care if anyone makes fun of you because you’re about to go find yourself and your people at the five-day festival.
Highlife
You and your mates were going to head away to Waiheke but your parents last minute decided they wanted to use their multimillion-dollar bach. Thankfully, your Heineken sales rep friend was chatting to their wine merchant friend who introduced you to Highlife and once you saw no pesky 18-21-year-olds are allowed, you thought “Why the heck not?”
After a quick stop at Caitlin Crisp for the girls and Earls for the blokes, you squish into your mate’s leased Range Rover and get on the road. Once you’re mid-party you realise you’re surrounded by people whose life didn’t quite go the way they wanted so instead they’ve developed new hobbies. You’re having fun until you realise you are surrounded by people who post inspirational quotes on their Instagram stories and have an overwhelming urge to scream, “Mind over muscle baby!”.
Rhythm and Alps
You’re either a Central Otago local who left their NY plans to the last minute or a South Island-raised kid who moved to Auckland at 23 to pursue their “dreams” only to return home every summer because you realised you actually do love knowing everyone you walk past in the street. Your festival fit includes your damp togs from a swim earlier in the day, a pair of shorts and Birkenstocks because it’s “Just R’n’A” and you’re most definitely nursing some sunburn under that linen shirt.
You spend the entire next day complaining about the traffic in Wānaka but once you’ve got your sugar fix - an ice cream from Black Peak Gelato, you head down to the lake where you realise there really is no hangover cure quite like taking a dip in the alpine lakes.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
Megan Watts is a Lifestyle Entertainment and Travel writer for the New Zealand Herald whose passions include honest journalism, saucy celebrity splits and doing things for the plot.
