Mau tells friends she fell out of love

Alison Mau realised her marriage to Simon Dallow had problems. Photos / Herald on Sunday

When they worked together and argued together, TVNZ's power couple just emerged stronger. But when their work schedules separated them, the distance proved insurmountable.

Simon Dallow has now moved out of the Remuera home he shared with wife Alison Mau and their two children, friends told the Herald on Sunday. But yesterday he picked up son Joel, 8.

There had been signs of trouble as long as 10 years ago, yet this week's announcement that Dallow and Mau were separating after 19 years of marriage surprised even some of their closest friends.

"I don't think I'm in love with my husband," Mau, 44, told a friend, according to NZ Woman's Weekly. "I don't think I love him any more - full stop."

Comedian Mike King had coffee with Dallow, 45, last week, and told this paper his friend seemed fine: "No one suspected, no one knew, it's just one of those things I suppose ... My heart goes out to them."

Pat Rippin, who leads a "men's group" that Dallow and King attend, sent a supportive text message to the six o'clock news reader this week: "We are all thinking of him because he is such a public figure and this whole thing is so private.

"I mean, it takes a lot of balls for him to get on air every night to read the news. He is such a professional, they both are."

One of Mau's close friends insisted there was no third party, no acrimony. The love had simply gone out of the relationship.

"I can say the love of a marriage has gone, but not the love and respect for each other," he said.

Mau had returned this month from Melbourne where she had been celebrating her aunt's 80th birthday with family. The occasion made her realise how empty her marriage had become. So on her return she and Dallow then sat down for a painful "crisis meeting".

"The kids were out and they had the evening to themselves," a friend told NZ Woman's Weekly.

"It was a case of, 'this is the conversation we need to have and we need to have it now'.

"They had been trying to hide their problems from the children for a while. But now there's a sense of relief."

As far back as when Paris, now 11, was a baby, there had been signs of difficulty. "Before we had Paris, we spent far more time together than anyone else we knew," Mau was quoted as saying. "We don't spend any time on our own but we're trying to remedy that."

But that balance between work, family and private time proved difficult to achieve. Dallow does not finish work till 8pm. And now that Mau is co-hosting Breakfast with Paul Henry, she has to get up at 4am - and goes to bed by 8.30pm.

Weekends were family time, taking the children to sports, dance and music lessons - but that left little couple time.

"They are having a clean break, to look after the kids and go their separate ways," Mau's friend said. "They are both young and really good-looking. I mean, there's no point soldiering on and being miserable for years."

According to relationship experts, people with high public profiles spend so much time hiding any vulnerability from the public that they lose the ability to open up with their partners.

Relationship counsellor Fiona Christie said couples with demanding lifestyles could sometimes fail to put enough "time and energy" into the relationship.

Couplework relationship specialist Nic Beets, who counselled Tony Veitch and Kristin Dunne-Powell during their break-up, said public pressure could be a factor in high-profile splits.

"A whole lot of trivial details of their life are scrutinised," he said.

- ADDITIONAL REPORTING: Heather McCracken