“The reason why I call it A Life Less Punishing, which is a play on the saying, A Life Less Ordinary, and we’re always told that our lives need to be fantastic, we need to do all these incredible things, but when you’re doing incredible things and you’re still not enjoying your life, you realise that there’s no hope.”
He referred to a moment being in Queenstown with close friends on holiday, with his life going well and his kids healthy, but still feeling unhappy.
He said the book is not about finding happiness though, as that’s a feeling that comes and goes and can be fleeting.
“What you’re looking for is to be able to deal with your life. That’s why I call it life less punishing. You’re feeling humiliated, you want to be able to deal with that so it’s not all-encompassing. If you’re stressed, you want to deal with it. It’s not about being happy, it’s about being more tranquil.”
Humiliation is something that links Heath and Bennett.
Back in 2017, Heath wrote a column for the Herald advocating for people to tip wait staff.
In response to that, Bennett - then Deputy Prime Minister - wrote to the Herald in support of that idea.
After her comments went online, Bennett said people “really piled in” on her comments.
“In this kind of life, that didn’t worry me at all because I’m a politician, you’re going to be controversial, agree, disagree and everyone’s entitled to, that’s fine.”
However, the story quickly spiralled, with people going to the media with their experiences.
“I don’t mean like two or three,” Bennett said. “I mean dozens of people went out and gave their experiences of serving me in restaurants and bars, and that was humiliating.
“Some of them were really nice, and then others were like, ‘she’s got a horrible laugh when she’s drinking with her friends’, ‘at the end of the lunch, they drank four bottles’.”
The story still follows her around, with one person recently reaching out to see if she’d like to be involved in an investigation into the benefits of tipping.
“I’m not kidding, it was actually one of the most traumatising, humiliating [moments] out of all the shit I’ve done, and I’ve done a lot of silly things,” Bennett said.
“I don’t know why but that one really resonated.”
As for Heath, who wrote the original column?
“I got one compliment from you and then the whole focus went to you and then I went on with my life.”
While he admits to getting offended by things himself still, Heath does worry that people have been “taught that offence actually hurts”, rather than brushing things off.
“If someone says something that’s not true, then how can you be offended? And if someone says something that is true, then that’s information.
“If someone said to me, ‘you’ve got poor eyesight and have to wear glasses’, that wouldn’t be an insult because it’s true, and that’s where you got it.”
“I wrote about in the book [about] when I was walking down K Road once and this guy came out of a pub and took a swing at me and missed and hit a lamp-post.
“And I’d use that example as I couldn’t take offence at that because he was just swinging at anyone, and so much of social media is just the equivalent of a drunk guy walking out of a bar on K road and taking a swing at you and hitting a lamp-post.
“You don’t respect that person, but you’re suddenly taking on their insult.”
Listen to the full episode for more from Matt Heath about his new book and what he learned from talking to people.
Ask Me Anything is an NZ Herald podcast hosted by former Deputy Prime Minister Paula Bennett. New episodes are available every Sunday.
You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
