To be fair I was horribly hungover on top of that bus. It was so hot. I thought I was going to die.
The fact of the matter is Kiwis don't save up for months just to go overseas and go to bed early. We are the world's greatest travellers and partiers.
Wherever you go on this beautiful planet you will find Kiwis having a good time. We will smuggle beers on to Machu Picchu, ciders to Stonehenge and vodkas into the Vatican. Best of all, the world loves us for it.
In Germany a few years ago a man came up to me and asked if I was Kiwi. When I told him I was he slapped me on the back and yelled "you were the people who caused the trouble at Oktoberfest last year ... they have to put sawdust down for Kiwis". They love us.
In 2005 I was lucky enough to explore the catacombs underneath Paris. It's a spooky place where the remains of six million people are displayed. I was frightened, lost and alone in the dark. I heard laughter in the distance. My heart beating wildly, I crept through the claustrophobic blackness toward the sound. Eventually I found three New Zealanders picnicking in a cave. They had 50 dead people and a bladder of red wine in there. It was heartwarming to see Kiwis stamping their cultural identity in a terrifying foreign grave hole.
Admittedly things turned sour when one of them was busted smuggling a human skull on to the street. As an amateur anthropologist I couldn't support that.
A year later I tramped up to the Hollywood sign. It wasn't easy. The area was heavily monitored at the time. Authorities were worried someone might blow up the reservoir and flood the valley. So we had to scale barbed wire fences and climb up through the undergrowth to avoid detection. It took an hour and a half but finally we sat down behind the H at the top. There I heard that familiar giggling. Sure enough there were two Kiwis and an Aussie enjoying a drink behind the Y.
Before I had a chance to chat to them we were drowned out by an LAPD helicopter. "Move away from the sign or you will go to jail!" We had to run for our lives.
Once again I had discovered my countrymen voiding their insurance in a positive way.
This is why I was so saddened by the actions of the Angkor Wat Buddha smasher. Like all of us I assumed it was an accident. Kiwis don't do things like that. We might stumble over and break something at a garden centre but smashing up temples isn't our style.
Sure enough as the story unfolded we discovered she hadn't been drinking or staying up after midnight. She had been "possessed by strange forces". I wonder if her insurance covers that?
The Cambodians are angry and they have every right to be. Imagine how upset we would be if they came over here and smashed the toilets at Kawakawa or the carrot in Ohakune.
Thankfully the Buddha-smasher turned out to be a Dutch woman who lives in Wellington. So her actions can't be blamed on us. That's one for Holland to deal with.
Kiwis love to travel and love to party. It's disappointing to discover our insurance won't pay out when we do both at the same time. But you can't let that stop you. For me it's heartwarming to know that in every corner of the world there are New Zealanders getting out of control and staying up after midnight.
